Sunday, March 9, 2014

Long Enough

How long has it been? 2 more months and it has been 2 years since I posted something.

I'm not proud of my blog, never have. It started out as a space for me to vent and eventually got myself some viewers who appreciate my sick humor. Feels good to have audience who shares the same frustrations you see. Misery loves company.

This is the second job I quit since I left KK. I'm starting to get a bit depressed from the outcomes of my choices. Obviously from the history of this blog (if your life is sad enough to follow), you know I make the worst decisions.

I don't know where to go or what to do after leaving this job. Right now I'm just sitting here. Typing. Feeling that chest ache that I couldn't explain.



Wednesday, May 30, 2012

Good bye.

Good bye. Wave*

Friday, May 11, 2012

Oh Why Are You Leaving?

I feel like I don't matter. That's why.

Thursday, March 29, 2012

I'm So Positive I Glow. In Broad Daylight. And I Know It.


As I was enjoying Ellen Degenere’s take on power of positive thinking (No it’s not a self-help book, mind you, me no need no self help and grammar nazi), I have to agree with the witty celebrity that people who claimed they’ve never have a negative moment in their lives are freaks. Okay she didn’t call them freaks. She doesn’t trust them and so do I. I’ve met some in my life and they are nice annoying people. We can’t be rude to nice annoying people. So more often than not we stand there with drinks in our hands nodding to their advices on life (yours) and approvals (with a hint of condescension: Now that you do this, you are just on the right track which I agree, but not quite at my level yet) pretending we’re convinced, to make these judgmental people feel better of themselves. After all they are nice. Faulty good intention delivery isn’t a choice. If you have never met these nice annoying people you probably don’t know what I’m babbling about. So back to the power of positive thinking, I’m not sure whether people are born positive or negative, or the events in life derived to such mindsets (and I can’t be bothered to google). But I believe positive people send positive vibes and drop these hints so subtle regular people would miss. Not to my sharp observation. (Now did you get the hint that I’m not regular people? Did you miss that?) It’s what they wear, what they listen to, what they read, what they watch, how they joke, what they joke about and who has enough examples to illustrate. The last time I check about positivity, isn’t hollering all over fb twitter weibo about being positive and give everyone a gentle slap on the arm responding “good for you!” like they made it close to your standard. Who are you trying to fool?

So there are positive people (who has bad moments too), negative people (who has good moments too), fake positive people (who claimed they’re always positive), and then we have confused positive people. I have a file cabinet in my brain where I file people into different categories, like how I make friends too –

A. People I will befriend.
B. People I might befriend but can be convinced otherwise.
C. People I won’t befriend but can be convinced otherwise.
D. Nice to meet you. Duk Hun Yum Cha.

And I have my own definition of “befriend” but this isn’t about that. This is about poor confused positive people. They work on something clearly impossible with strong determination, encouraged by irresponsible friends and family members, possibly intoxicated by Glee. If staying positive can make our dreams come true by staying positive, it can be considered a source of energy, and energy converts to another form of energy, and my instant noodles should be cooked by my positivity in just about 3 minutes from now.

Tuesday, February 28, 2012

z0 iAwesome

There are 2 colleagues I could not stand at work- a flakey fake and a plain fake. What they have in common, is that they believe they are helluva great and probably don't own a mirror.

BUT

I'm going to see things from a different perspective since I'm about to make a change in my career and possibly the future. I don't want to miss anything or anyone who could possibly made me more awesome (or less awful). I figured if my life has to matter, it has to change for the better and it starts by getting rid of my pride and prejudice. Okay I admit I figured that out a long time ago but it's easier to roll my eyes and be sarcastic. These people probably think the same about me. But I AM helluva great, SUE ME.

I'm sexy and I know it

I should probably lose this attitude along with my pride and prejudice before I get a popular page from fb supported by international haters. So I might still be able to pull this attitude off for a couple of years before the awesomeness turns sour. Some things are just not cute anymore as we age. We could probably get out of certain responsibilities and expectations now and still be excused for being naive and inexperienced. At certain point in life, growing up is a necessity to avoid stunted adolescence- or retarded, in short. If my current habits forms my attitude and determines my destiny, I will become what I want to avoid from becoming- a frowny cynical old hag, like one of my primary school teachers. Even her smile looks like a frown and I often wondered what can ever please that woman.

:( *Reality hits*

There's a fresh start and there's a brand new attitude. Here's a newly improved and formulated z0 on the market- z0 iAwesome.

Friday, February 24, 2012

Fakerishism

The flakes and the fakes are the most awful kind of people you have to work with. We can dodge and hide but their influence is so strong it seeps through any slit and it is often too late when we are alarmed by the infiltration. Their targets are usually people who are afraid of confrontation, will do what they can to avoid unpleasant scenes and of course, complacent. Until today I have no clue how to work in peace (with myself) with these parasites and they emerge, more resistant than ever.



The existence of resistant strain of society parasites traces back the very basic and ugly side of human nature- selfishness. Their pleasure in life is quite easy to achieve actually- The world revolves around me and my fancy lil arse. Unlike our struggles and principles, theirs are much less stringent in comparison. It's grey area all the way, as long as the results favour their expectations. I occasionally find these people smart, as they fill their voids with achievable and competitive goals (eg. climb to the top of corporate ladder) instead of friendships and relationships: what we have absolutely no control over. All they want is to prove their superiority over you sad underachieving people. The side effect, however, is that they are not popular people. I think it's contradicting that you choose to be a flake or a fake to get to where you want to, AND have friends. The reason being, friends are their shield for blames, the stones they step on to cross the rivers, and be completely forgotten afterwards.You know something is up their filthy sleeves when they put on their sweetest smiles and approach you with compliments. Sadly I always fall for this because I feel bad when someone I dislike/ bitch about treats me nice. Damn conscience. 

I have a better control of my reactions now and have learnt how to find amusement in every off-putting appalling human behaviour. It is much more fun compared to getting worked up at what they attempt to get out of their schemes. Do not react. Let's not blow their covers shall we? They could portray themselves sweet and innocent; smart and kind; wise and helpful. But when you picked up the slightest sense of unusual trace and most important of all, your own instincts tell you this person is up to no good to everyone else but themselves, you watch your back. Better still, have a group of friends watch your back for you. I smell schemers like I smell fries 500 metres away. What they do next is infiltrate. They're going to bond with your friends. Like tiny undetectable cancer cells, they multiply to a full grown well fed tumour, pave their way to destruction, depending on what their goals are. 

Some fakes are not malignant. They're like mosquito bites on your sole- itching and annoying, comparable to Chinese new year songs by shrieking kids. You just want them to get out of your face, if not preferable, try to not exist. I find a lot of people on my facebook list are this kind of fakes. Again I find these people amusing. These self absorbed royal highnesses really think the showing-off is so subtle we'd actually believe they are what they post. Facebook is the best platform for fakes to go on full blown fake-outs.

So what do we do now? Attack? Defend? Tip-toe around the corners? Well I know the exact quote from Sex and The City to this problem around us- "eventually all the pieces fall into place, until then, laugh at the confusion, live for the moment, and know that everything happens for a reason". Don't change yourself to adapt to the destructively competitive norms of the society formulated by flakes or fakes, laugh and live as if what they attempts don't matter, and always reflect- as much as I hate to say this- everything happens for a reason. 

Tuesday, February 14, 2012

Happy February 15th

Happy Wednesday. It's not hard being single on Valentine's day. Valentine's day isn't even on the list of my tough moments in life. I realized the hardest thing to do is to be in a relationship again after bruises and bumps along the journey of a long single-hood. It's so much easier if I were myself a few years ago, before I met Mr. Big, before I paved my way to become a strong and independent woman. Not sure whether this is a blessing or a curse.

I bought a keychain a year ago. It's the LOVE keychain from Sex and The City, in hopes I would eventually find the love I've been waiting for, and pass the keychain on to my best friend. The keychain has rust growing all over it and I'mnot far from where I was a year ago. My best friend is still involved in the most dramatic relationship in the history of two-timers. I need to buy an authentic keychain from the movie I suppose. 

Happy February 15th.

Tuesday, September 20, 2011

A Shove to Reincarnation

After 3 years working in KK, I almost lost everything (including myself) that I built in KL as a consequence of trying to fit in. Funny how everyone tells me people from the big city are cold and exceedingly competitive. I believe that to a certain extent from personal experience. However what made my heart stone cold today aren’t those people. It’s the people closest to me, around me and I thought I can always count on, hurt me the most.

CK left, Ah lek left, Nicky left. Each of them left with their ambitions and goals ahead. They’re inspiring. Not because 3 of them are unemployed now, but it takes a lot of guts to step out of the comfort zone of pink and strawberries while I’m the goodie two shoes on the face sucking up to people I fear will leave me in this place that every cell in my body rejects.

Every now and then I found a reason to stay. The very same reason made me want to run away. Sometimes you need a shove that pushes you far enough to never return.

I’m going back. I still want to believe what I used to believe in. The difference is, I’ve to get myself all equipped for whatever that comes into my life. It will be the next best thing.