This Is Why My Pay Is Peanuts

I haven't fully recovered from the last fever, now I'm coughing like mad. After 3 weeks of nothing but working extremely hard and have less than 20 minutes for lunch, now I'm starting to wonder what am i doing to myself. Still, most of the days i left my workplace feeling stupid and not good enough, then i worked harder the next day, and feeling more stupid if i screw up the smallest thing. I'm mad at myself trying to prove myself farking competent to meet farking high expectations.


If I am not so afraid of the possibility of being transferred to very rural areas where people wakes up to grow crops at 5am and farking sleeps at 9pm, with no entertainment no malls no good food no choice but to die alone or marry Ketua Kampung, i guess i could cut myself some slack. But then again, since when working hard guarantees me such thing will never happen.



Don't bother telling me those places are not as bad as i imagine. I love the city, the traffic, the crowd and the angry drivers. I don't want to see animals other than toy dogs because the rest are in my tummy. Call me shallow and superficial, I don't care. I don't live to farking find the deep meaning of life, i farking live my life the way I want it.


For the first time in 3 weeks i feel exhausted. My worried colleagues asked me whether the work in that department is that stressful. No, I'm not stressed out, I'm just tired. Tired of meeting expectations, tired of worrying whether I'm a worthy employee, tired of knowing even if I AM, some things will still popped out of nowhere to screw with my life.


Screw it la. Next week take one day off and slack at home.