z0 Rants

A Shove to Reincarnation

2011-09-20T12:01:00.000-07:00

After 3 years working in KK, I almost lost everything(including myself) that I built in KL as a consequence of trying to fit in.Funny how everyone tells me people from the big city are cold and exceedinglycompetitive. I believe that to a certain extent from personal experience.However what made my heart stone cold today aren’t those people. It’s thepeople closest to me, around me and I thought I can always count on, hurt methe most.

CK left, Ah lek left, Nicky left. Each of them left withtheir ambitions and goals ahead. They’re inspiring. Not because 3 of them areunemployed now, but it takes a lot of guts to step out of the comfort zone ofpink and strawberries while I’m the goodie two shoes on the face sucking up topeople I fear will leave me in this place that every cell in my body rejects.

Every now and then I found a reason to stay. The very samereason made me want to run away. Sometimes you need a shove that pushes you farenough to never return.

I’m going back. I still want to believe what I used tobelieve in. The difference is, I’ve to get myself all equipped for whateverthat comes into my life. It will be the next best thing.

2010-02-23T09:49:00.000-08:00

Hey.

Just saying hi to myself.

A lot has happened in a year.

...

I miss this old place. Used to vent out here a lot. I wish I can still do that ya know? Just vent like nobody's business.

FML

2009-10-15T08:43:00.001-07:00

Fuck my life. Seriously.
Fuck.

够了

2009-08-17T10:16:00.000-07:00

我看着镜子里的自己，惨不忍睹，我什么时候容许自己变成这样。我终于还是失去了青春朝气。我什么时候容许自己变胖，什么时候容许黑眼圈想深得像烙印一样，豆子一颗又一颗的爬上我曾经光滑的脸。有时候我会为自己现在的模样难过哭泣，对一个爱漂亮的人来说这样是残忍的。我受够了我自己这一年来的颓废和对命运的怨恨。我真的够了。

我要对所有让我伤神让我憔悴的人和事说再也不见。

失去了才知道自己多不珍惜自己曾经拥有的

开心，你什么时候回来

2009-08-16T11:26:00.000-07:00

我不开心了。我又不开心了。开心离我越来越远了，我渐渐地忘了开心是怎样的感觉。

让我失去记忆，忘了就不痛了。

爱Man无罪

2009-06-07T10:13:00.001-07:00

男人就是要有男人的气概!男人不像个男人，婆婆妈妈罗哩罗嗦像女人一样，干嘛做男人，把鸡鸡一刀给切掉算啦。姐妹们，仔细想想，大男人有甚么可恨的?当大男人不容易，也不是说你想当就当。做事要当机立断，头脑要清晰，不能被情绪牵着走，思考事情不是凭直觉和感觉，耳朵要灵，视野要远，心胸要宽，玩的时候要够疯，该认真的时候要认真。

天生不是大男人也不要紧。大女人就喜欢小男人，这种最爱照顾小孩子了，你越像一堆废物越好，她才会觉得有成就感。可是啤酒最好少喝，朋友最好都是结了婚的老头，回家最好不要超过12点，小男人这一生就应该没风没浪，可能还会很有钱。

小女人也会喜欢小男人，这种最爱黏着你了。这个时候小男人可以表现他们有限的男人气概，就算失败，小女人还是会黏着你不离不弃，你还是最棒的唷!手机还是24小时开着，越大声越好，急诊室的联络电话要记得，去大陆公干最好把家里的刀叉都藏好才离开，兼职要多做几份来养家。

大男人有甚么难应付的?遇上难题可以请教他，他的意见你不一定要接受，可是要对他表现感激，这叫相敬如宾。状况好的时候，有他在撑你；状况不好的时候，就算不接受也有他在挺你；他就算爱莫能助，他也会发挥大男人的本性去保护你。

有些女人嚷着要靠自己不靠男人。男人或是女人，最好不要讲这种太有种的话，人生能够遇上的问题太多了，不轮到我们去选择解决的方式的可能性也很大，我们有权不接受，但留点后路给自己也不是甚么坏事。有男人肯照顾你，不是理所当然，是福分。

看在他这么辛苦份上，要给大男人面子，男人们聚会要识相，要庆幸自己不用应酬，还可以找朋友出去玩；他不想一个星期几天都和你的姐妹们聚餐，要开心他不在可以大聊男人经。吵架的时候本来就应该有人要让步，女生最好都不要像泼妇，退一步把那口气忍下来，大男人气消了就会内疚，这个月就会多了一个新包包。脾气要少闹，闹了要道歉，本来就应该知错能改，大男人最不能忍受的是千金公主，硬碰硬，吃亏的只有自己。

对女生呼喝的，凶的，拳打脚踢的，都不是大男人，你遇到的是小男人之中最没种的，叫做烂男人。

Congratulations, I Hate You

2009-05-11T03:28:00.000-07:00

There, you did it.

I have a confession i think it's time to make, especially to the friends i grow up with.

I didn't learn fast enough to be a great friend and how to be defensive as i grow up. All I was fed with, is that I have to please to be liked. I'm not going to put the blame on these friends who created dramas and left me with the responsibilities, this time I'm not. It's just me, my mistakes and my apologies.

After A levels, I got it. I made a vow to myself to never repeat the same mistakes. I survived university, made a whole lot of true, good friends and never felt happier. I poured my heart out and stayed far away from Bitch-n-Backstabbinville.

I was forced to come back to fix the damage i swept under the carpet for 4 years, especially to this friend, or shall i say Ex-friend now. I put up with her spiteful lies, accusations and whatever shit i do and do not know about.

Honestly, I am no big saint. I did all that for someone i care about. Covered one eye, play deaf, mend the bond. I even defended her despite all the nasty things she did or said. Can't remember how long and how many times i did that. Not once I stoop low and seek vengeance. Or confront, as if that works. Knowing her, she'll throw a big bon fire from a small spark and assemble an army to dance around it, to convince herself it's everyone else's fault but hers.

The more i keep my distance, mind my own bloody business, I was mistaken for being a pushover even more. Last night whatever attention she sought after, she got it. She reminded me that I'm old enough to be a mother, I couldn't agree more. I'm too old for this kind of treatment in exchange for what i offered, and definitely this kind of high school mean girls mentality. I'm sorry she's stuck with it and never got out.

I don't need a facebook quiz to find out how much i know about her. If I scored 10% i think this is scary enough. I also don't need a facebook quiz to find out what kind of friend i am, because losing me is definitely her loss. Sticks and stones may break my bones. but your words, thoughts, games, and hateful actions wont ever hurt me anymore.

Friendship is a choice, and should never be forced. so much for trying, and so much for hoping, I've made my decision, and it feels absolutely liberating.

I'm through with you. I gave you a line, and you crossed it. From now on, if anyone asks about you, there's going to be only one answer-

"Sorry, who?"

-----------------------------------
There are things we can say in blogs but never in Facebook. So here's my reply to all the mean things you said about me.

FCK YOU. _|_

掩饰

2009-04-23T07:05:00.000-07:00

真贴切。。。

那一條牙膏在對我傻笑
嘲笑我永遠用不掉
想睡就睡想鬧就鬧
好快樂少了人嘮叨

藍色的碗盤多買了一套
我忘了沒有人陪我通宵
要多少替代的丑角無辜的陪笑
才會讓我能真的忘了你的好

我在搞笑藉著熱鬧掩蓋著心跳
邊哭邊笑偏要說著一個人真好
當人群散了突然覺得我可以死掉
我受不了
還在搞笑害怕回家不知怎麼熬
這麼多年早就習慣有妳的撒嬌
我想我能熬但是至少要讓我知道
妳好不好

我們的小狗食量變好小
眼神裡常常顯的無聊
他習慣睡覺的床位少了一雙腳
所以他常常看著門口睡不著

我在搞笑藉著熱鬧掩蓋著心跳
邊哭邊笑偏要說著一個人真好
當人群散了突然覺得我可以死掉
我受不了

我在搞笑卻在最後眼淚拼命掉
妳的離開失去多少我計算不了
忙完了一天　突然覺得又何必辛勞
對誰炫耀

還在搞笑是否擁有麻痺的療效
唱一夜歌卻避不開催淚的曲調
我徹夜胡鬧希望聽到有人會提到你好不好

[还能怎么样]

爱情坏了

2009-04-21T09:47:00.000-07:00

在回家的路上我想了很多很多。爱情来是上帝赐给人间最美好的事情，不知道什么时候可以变得丑陋。暗地里偷偷摸摸调查自己男朋友的事情是女人常犯而有效的错误，我不是在撇清自己这辈子没有这种念头，毕竟会撒谎而把自己的错误推到女生身上的男人实在多得心寒。可是我知道我永远做不到。我没有办法在看了自己不该看的东西装没事，没有办法承受那一刹那间全身冰冷，心脏好像停止了律动，什么也看不到，什么也听不到。更加没有办法亲手去揭开漂亮的包装，把血淋淋的真相摆在自己面前。偷偷摸摸的查手机，查信用卡，突击检查，套话，跟踪，爱情变得如斯难看，这样的爱情还要来干什么。

女人之所以这样，是一种自虐，也是一种解脱。要做到这样，需要很大的勇气去看调查的结果，去承受自己一手割开的伤口，然后自己一针一针的把伤口缝好。一不小心，还会被男人拿这个理由来当分手的借口，女朋友善妒多心管得太严。这种痛是一刀一刀的，不像逃避现实的女人们，宁愿一点一点的割，也不愿意一次过痛醒，硬撑着心脏和脑袋的负荷，过了一天算一天。

可悲吧?原来我们女人是用这么丑陋的方式来保护自己。我做不到，就像在泰国不愿意进去看脱衣舞秀一样，没有办法接受爱情和性爱原来可以那么不堪。

爱一个人，自由和束缚的拿捏有多少人可以真正的了解? 做到? 不去怀疑? 爱情什么时候在一瞬间变了质?

Itchy Itchy Long Time

2009-04-12T10:06:00.000-07:00

I knew the day to stop blogging is soon but i have to scratch the itch tonight. There's this happening group of Paris-Hilton-gone-trashy chicks in KK, my lil hometown. I saw their pictures in my facebook, in my friend's albums, in friend's friend's albums, rampant and impossible to ignore, like weeds. They think they're helluva hot, a lot think they're helluva hot because apparently KK has very limited population, even my good friend L starts to think they're helluva hot.

With eyeliners thick like brick and 10cm long, foundation-corroded faces, with enlarging contact lense 5cm in diameter, wearing as skimpy as possible to every event ESPECIALLY weddings, sole purpose of life is to turn every venue into some almost zap-lap (gulung tikar) lala clubs in KL and collect as many friends as possible on Facebook to thousands, i present to you the Hot Stuff in KK.

Look somewhat like this.

Ah something like this. More eyeliner.

There you go. Eyelober more like it.

Amy Winehouse inspired

Ok I'm satisfied. Good Night.

Know Who's Boss

2009-04-09T04:26:00.000-07:00

I don't know where this rage come from. Ok i do know. From all the pictures in Facebook thanks to the tags, i know what kind of friend he is. One album to another over the past 6 months, I pretended all that don't matter. It does and it hurts.

We knew each other for more than 10 years. I feel downright dumb and cheated because after 10 years, I realized I'm the only side pouring my heart out for friendship when the other party thinks I am an option and replaceable. All because he has an insecure, selfish and delusional girlfriend who has an overflowing imagination. We didn't even meet each other. This chickenshit friend of mine could not control his woman and let her interfere.

I know it might be a sexist/ feminist thing to say, but if a man could not deal with his woman, he might as well cut of his penis and starts wearing panty liners.

He didn't even text me on my birthday (which he did for the past 10 years), didn't call, didn't message. Nothing. As if we never know each other. It did make me feel better when i know he wasn't allowed out with his other pals as well. But lately, all his pictures showed that he's having the best time of his life with the friends again, with the insecure extra strong superglue tagging along. Still, nothing from him.

Knowing him, if he reads this post, he might never speak to me again. But what difference does it make now? Giving in to his girlfriend's unreasonable requests based on self- assumptions only treat the symptoms but not the disease.

Here's a piece of advice for people who die for pussies, one day when they are no longer nicely waxed, grow a forrest like nobody's business, expanded because shooting 3 kids out, don't come crying to the friends you abandoned and wana fking reminisce the old times.

A preview for being an asshole friend.

You hear that, L!!!?! This is an official warning. I don't think L will disappoint me as much. His ex girlfriend doesn't like me because he went straight to party with me with a bunch of friends after dumping her home.

See, a smart girlfriend will bring a fruit basket to her boyfriend's friends, melt their hearts and they'll keep an eye on her boyfriend for her. Only the shallow ones couldn't wait to put a chestedy belt and a leash on him. Not that sad to say, these girls get nothing but lies and cover-up stories in return. If his friends know about "the break" or the break up, everyone will speed the process up, and throw a party to celebrate. It's just a matter of time.

Don't mess with his friends, bitches.

Price to Pay for Breaking a Heart

2009-04-02T07:20:00.001-07:00

I always thought he'll never talk to me for the rest of his life, and i'll have to hide, duck and disguise as a tree whenever i enter the shopping mall just in case he's helping his parents in one of his family's stores.

I saw him once, ran like I owed the loan sharks 2743 billion and was chased after with chainsaws in hand. I would rather flush my head down the toilet bowl than facing him not knowing which facial expression should i quickly put on to tone down the awkwardness.

4 years. After 4 years, i took a deep breath and say hi to him over MSN.

We had small talks and nobody dies. Yet.

Then I noticed he's now a proud member of Selangor Shooting Club.

Straight away appear offline

My Engines Are Ready

2009-03-23T09:17:00.000-07:00

Aiyo i cannot wait i cannot wait!!!

Serendipity

2009-03-19T09:54:00.000-07:00

Isn't it amazing, the way people meet each other? That particular day, particular time, you did something you thought you might just call to cancel, or went online, or surfing in Facebook, and at that exact moment, nanosecond, if anything, anything at all comes in between the series of events, let it be a billboard blocking our sights, let it be a message we never reply, we might never know each other and brush shoulders on the streets, never knowing what we missed.

Now that i know what i could miss, that scares me.

Just coincidences, I told Myself.
[也没有一时澎湃悸动却能在深秋细水长流]

No Means No

2009-03-04T02:18:00.000-08:00

During CNY, I was told by ali-punya-anak (Alison) that someone we knew back then became a model and won some sort of pageant. I wasn't very surprised. Nowadays if you own a pair of legs, you can call yourself a model. Then you join some Dutch Lady or whatever yogurt mini competition, you can be Miss Malaysia. Then you took some shots with some random person who owns a big camera who claims himself a photographer, you're some sort of celebrity.

But I'm holding back a bit, the girl we knew is kinda sorta a bit godzilla looking. She's the kind who sits with her legs open and allow her welcoming panties say a very warm Hello to you.

I was expecting her turning into a graceful swan. It always work that way- when girls were ugly back then, they might blossom into attractive young women while 50% of the pretty ones back then look like Phua Chu Kang's wife now. Then she came and proved my assumptions wrong. Still the same. Hello panties~

Standards that used to be so difficult to achieve in the past can be easily reach nowadays. Like photographers. I don't know whether it's just KK where everyone has nothing else to do but pick up something to learn (which is a good thing) or follow the trend.

Some took pretty good pictures, the kinds I wouldn't mind checking them out. These are some of the few from people who wouldn't mind me copy their work without permission. Mind also i don't care.

Os

VH

Things or people don't piss you off up until they start to wave sad lil assets they have in front of your face and mistaken the look on your face is jealousy instead of pity.

Such posers, take a few wine glasses pictures make them professional photographers. The ones I hate most are the typical Louis Pang wanna-be pictures, particularly the wedding ones. Those pictures makes me think marriage is the most horrible thing ever. Everytime someone post pictures like that up to facebook, this is what i do.

What a relief.

Well this is not the best picture taken by CK but I think this is the best moment captured. How often do you catch model-wannabes squeezing so hard that almost leave a dent on the poor car.

Taken by TK my friend aka plagiarizer.

Proof. MY idea. Pay up!!

I wonder why is it so hard for some people to accept what they see in the mirror (I'm sorry but you're really not model material), on their computer (pictures) and just accept the harsh reality.

Wtf??

2009-03-02T03:04:00.000-08:00

This week, I have a lunch duty. And ward check. And a presentation. And a report. And a bulletin. But these are not my main concern for I have worked like a cow for the past few weeks so these don't make my already miserable and fun-limited 20-something life miserable and fun-limited.

I'm on On-Call duty this week for the first time.

Which means I have to hold on to my phone and stand by during non-working hours. Some senior colleagues that i know of are dead serious at work as if everything is a matter of life and death, sometimes they scare the shit out of me for nothing. A teeny tiny green bean matter sounds like a big pizza problem. So I was told today to bring the phone along with me to the toilet if i have to.

Oh kay...Like pee half way then press the brake, hold pee and solve the caller's problem.

I need at least 3 alarm clocks to wake me up every morning, each rings at 5 minutes interval from the other. And I STILL can't hear anything at all. I'm not exactly sure how do I wake up to emergencies. So I asked. And to be very frank, I'm more worried about HOW TO WAKE UP and the consequences of not picking up calls rather than why they call.

The colleague told me the body will automatically adjust to light-sleep mode and we can't exactly fall into deep sleep for a week.

Oh kay...I'm sorry your body works this way. My body told me to sleep, switch off the phone and continue sleeping and set whoever wakes me up on fire.

What do you mean by "can't exactly fall into deep sleep"??

Once sleep then sleep la, what do you mean by "can't" fell into "deep sleep"??

How to "sleep a bit"??

"This is my first night *using a sound recorder*." Let's see how it turns out.

Prank Calls

2009-02-26T08:06:00.000-08:00

I so want to do this to the annoying telemarketers. XD

This Is Why My Pay Is Peanuts

2009-02-26T02:43:00.000-08:00

I haven't fully recovered from the last fever, now I'm coughing like mad. After 3 weeks of nothing but working extremely hard and have less than 20 minutes for lunch, now I'm starting to wonder what am i doing to myself. Still, most of the days i left my workplace feeling stupid and not good enough, then i worked harder the next day, and feeling more stupid if i screw up the smallest thing. I'm mad at myself trying to prove myself farking competent to meet farking high expectations.

If I am not so afraid of the possibility of being transferred to very rural areas where people wakes up to grow crops at 5am and farking sleeps at 9pm, with no entertainment no malls no good food no choice but to die alone or marry Ketua Kampung, i guess i could cut myself some slack. But then again, since when working hard guarantees me such thing will never happen.

Don't bother telling me those places are not as bad as i imagine. I love the city, the traffic, the crowd and the angry drivers. I don't want to see animals other than toy dogs because the rest are in my tummy. Call me shallow and superficial, I don't care. I don't live to farking find the deep meaning of life, i farking live my life the way I want it.

For the first time in 3 weeks i feel exhausted. My worried colleagues asked me whether the work in that department is that stressful. No, I'm not stressed out, I'm just tired. Tired of meeting expectations, tired of worrying whether I'm a worthy employee, tired of knowing even if I AM, some things will still popped out of nowhere to screw with my life.

Screw it la. Next week take one day off and slack at home.

Paycheck Underestimated

2009-02-23T06:51:00.000-08:00

This might come as a surprise to most of you.

I seriously don't understand where some people get the idea that pharmacists have peanuts for pay from. O.o

Especially coming from people who works more than 5 years just to get nearer to where we are, living in fear everyday for economy difficulty.

If you dress up in this

this (Looks a bit like Mushroom in Super Mario)

Before entering Operation Theater (Don't worry I'm not cutting anyone open.)

or this at work

We're paid...let's just say- what it takes to put on the attire above, and what you have in your hands to work with- lives. And what it takes, is more than blunt guts and big talks.

So just to feed your self esteem, i do earn peanuts.

Cap Jari Kacang Tanah.

Tanah Airku

2009-02-18T07:23:00.000-08:00

First that

Now this

I don't read the news daily, in fact never read in a long time if last Saturday morning doesn't count (for the movie show times on GSC.) But i don't need to read the papers daily to know how malicious and disappointing Malaysia politics has become, how far people can go to build their victory on other's misery.

That reminds me of Malaysia news i saw in Taiwan in September last year. It feels strange to read about my country in another country. As if for 2 weeks, Malaysia is a foreign country to me. Just a feeling.

Now I'm not so sure about whether it's just a feeling or Malaysia has turned into something foreign.

I Don't Need a Reason -2

2009-02-15T03:08:00.000-08:00

Happiest moments.

一堆罗嗦

2009-02-12T05:19:00.000-08:00

缘分这个东西很让人捉摸不清。以为缘分到了，它却只让你们遇见。以为它永远不会来了，在下一个转角，你遇见了一个人。我相信缘分，我觉得我们生命中遇见的每一个人都是我们人生里的配角，彼此的故事互相牵扯着，兜兜转转，离离合合。缘分不由人，无法操纵，无法勉强和预算，不会因为我们努力而出现，和人格品味一点关系也没有。

无论缘分让我们遇见的是好人还是坏人，它的出现注定就是改变我们的一生。我不知道缘分是不是三世累积下来的福份，还是前世临终的誓言，可是我可以肯定的是，它来了，你跑也逃不掉，它走了，你怎么求也不会留。

缘来的时候，要学会珍惜因它来的不易；缘走了，要学会放手，不要空等到白头。

Happy Valentine's day.

[生命的短暂才让我们对缘分有了彻心痛骨的理解, 才会深信不疑]

I Don't Need A Reason

2009-02-10T07:56:00.000-08:00

What!?

2009-02-06T03:04:00.000-08:00

I'll be boarding a plane to get away from here in an hour.

My hair is wet from the shower.

I'm in my pyjamas.

My luggage is still half empty.

I'm still typing here!

SHIT.

同事-1

2009-02-05T06:55:00.000-08:00

我工作的部门有个娘娘腔。昨天伸手要拿笔的时候，看到一只他妈的大只障螂在我的笔上，马上把病人丢下 (现在想想，病人大概以为自己生了什么严重传染病) 逃到后面去。娘娘腔不但没来救我，还在大笑，然后说我人那么大一个，怕那么小的昆虫。至少障螂比他的鸟还大咯。

我工作的部门有个很冷的女生。讲什么笑话都冷到我想把自己包起来取暖。我怕她再讲话我会结成冰块，然后冬眠个300年。每次看到她我都闪人。

我工作的部门有个很小一个的女生。手小得好像贝比一样。可是讲起话来，办起事来比大大只的人还精明。我的好朋友也是这样，有着不容忽视的力量，在她们身边感觉自己好像人大大脑袋空空。

我工作的部门有个容忍能力超强的男生。好像没有什么事能令他发火，被病人指着乱骂也面不改色，还可以继续带着笑脸工作，也感觉不到他在忍耐。每天我都在想办法令他生气，结果自己气得半死。

我工作的部门有个精神很好的女生。虽然她休息的pattern和我一样，都是夜猫子。可是不知哪来的力量，每天早上她都像Energizer兔子，我就一副死样子。

I can still complain in CNY

2009-02-01T07:21:00.000-08:00

These are some of the very few pictures i have. When you only have a week off, too many food and drinks in one hand, cards and mahjongs in another, you couldn't give a rat's ass about photoshooting and uploading every single pictures of every single CNY food on blogs or facebook in CNY week.

I'd pay any amount of money for Rat year to go away.

I've been staring at the ceiling and this window for too long, wondering how to start because what happened in my Chinese New Year makes words inadequate. Most of the nights i just sleep, more like fainted on bed out of exhaustion. I always think i'm transferred back to KK for a reason, reasons to be exact- to fix the mess that i left. Ox year didn't disappoint me. Some beginning starts very quietly.With a bit of ox-bringing luck, these things are finally making progress.

The more challenging and demanding something gets, the more it intrigues me to lurk around it, find the weakest spot, slam it down and slash its throat. I do not dread work that much anymore. I woke up one day, a week before Chinese New Year, and decided to make the best out of what is in my hands.

Oh i also made a Chinese New Year resolution that i must work out as often as i could to prevent myself to grow into a big lump of flabby fark. On top of that i might gain some mighty strength to knock people's teeth off with one mighty blow. Like some dumb aunty who became a D*tin, ordering people around in my workplace with pointy finger because apparently to her, the world spins around her, her optic wounding bangles and LV bag. Tsk, Women and who they offer what's between their legs to get to where they are.

I thought i will never talk to some frienemies in my life, ever. Turns out, we cheered with cans of cheap beers with arms around our shoulders, toasting to what brings us together right now. Keep our friends close, and frienemies closer(not the watchful way).

But some scary ones should still be kept away to keep ourselves safe. Thankfully those few are not in the pictures and i didn't meet any of those during the entire CNY week.

The CNY songs this year are not so scary anymore thanks to Astro and MYfm because every store is playing their songs. No more horrible CNY noisy firecracker version of LAO SU AI DA MI. Everytime i hear that song, i feel like beating some random people up. I see less annoying chirpy girls in horrible outfits sqeaking on TV also.

Seriously i don't know what their fans are thinking.

The second girl from the left looks like Guan Gong.

Toast to Ox luck damnit!!

I don't know how to live without mini- GAM. T.T

[前尘和往事都历历在目原来已经值得庆祝]

Chicken Talks to Duck

2009-01-29T10:30:00.000-08:00

I'm not THAT poor okay.

And i just found out one Dunhill wallet costs less than a Gucci handbag.

Cheh

I thought RM8000 or something.

Full On Stalking = Facebooking

2009-01-16T10:12:00.000-08:00

XD

Looks like i'm not the only one on this.

Disgusted

2009-01-14T07:36:00.001-08:00

I really don't like copycats. I really don't like my style (from tiny things like my words, my jokes, my ideas, to obvious things like my outfits) being copied, showed off like it's their brilliant ideas in the first place. I hate it more when they get compliments and take credit for it. If you can't be creative, at least be original.

Soli, u no s farny s me.

P/s: O by the way, i found out today that this slut back in high school who hit on my ex, on my friend, on my bestie's ex, and on my crush, slept with the ultimate playboy in town. (I strongly suspect she slept with my crush too.)

From a very reliable source.

See? there ARE fairy tale endings. I could so imagine them happy together and joint forces, contribute to Malaysian Statistics of Gonorrhea and Chlamydia 2008. Look into each other's eyes, hold hand in hand, while the other hand helping each other to scratch.

You should see the look on my face right now.

失眠

2009-01-13T10:41:00.000-08:00

有些事情一旦做错了，用时间去忘记，用心去补救就雨过天晴了。有些事一旦做错了，就很难回到原点，那一刻的冲动或决定，把一切的美好都毁了。这种伤害会长刺，插得或深或浅，都还是让你感觉到它牢牢的，实实在在的刺痛你每一根神经，无论你用多少努力去忘记，多少欢笑去祢补，多么不敢去提起那根逐渐生根的刺。或许很久很久以后，我们会习惯这种痛，也许这根刺也被我们给硬生生的给拔了出来，面对着血肉模糊的一颗心，我们又离原点有多近?

然后我们会躺在床上，问一个在连续剧里常常出现，而我们觉得我们从来不会问的笨问题-为什么，我做错了什么。

原来世界上没多少人能够自欺，尤其在夜深人静的时候。

Pretty Dumb Dumb Pretty Girls

2009-01-04T09:30:00.000-08:00

Just how far we can go to get a pretty looking face and a stick as body. I overheard some high school girls yakking about weight control today. One of them, so skinny that her eye sockets sink in, almost hollow dark circles around her eyes, or is that cheap smudgy eyeliner, i'm not very sure. But if that's her eyeliner and she already use that amount starting her age, she will have tree skin for face 10 years down the road.

I was never too keen on weight control, because i had a broomstick for body in high school. Even now i put on weight and my bottom could hardly fit into toilet bowl, i still eat 5 meals a day, and have heavy supper as late as 3a.m. The only attempt in preventing the toilet bowl from collapsing is a routine jog during the weekends.

I had my fat moments

And i'm munching on M&Ms as i type now, at 1:17am even though i could easily mistaken as pregnant woman.

Without guilt.

I am hopeless.

I'm not doing the whole "Oh people say i am pretty i don't know why, but that day i have no makeup on/ look like shit/ didn't sleep in 2 days" narcissistic bullcrap. I just love food more than i fear weight.

Not-so-pretty girls think pretty girls get their ways easier. Pretty girls who think they DO get their ways easier are indeed, very easy. I think pretty girls get it easy only in high school, and then it goes downhill. Anyone, the teachers, the parents and the girls like you if you have a cute face in your younger years. The boys too, because they go after whatever and whoever the other boys go after. One stick is up, the whole freakin forest of sticks erect to whatever stimulated the first stick.

Pretty girls have to continue to look pretty, or prettier just for the record. But when they step out to the corporate world, they shall do otherwise because the first question on people's minds when they see one in the office is how much brain these chicks have. Work has not even started, they've already lay all the expectations out for pretty chicks. This is no prejudice, nor jealousy. This is reflex, self-defence mechanism, when one meets intimidation.

Simple examples, just to name a few.

Regular-looking chicks get regular treatment, even get compliments when they look pretty one regular day at work. If pretty chick look pretty on one regular day at work, they must be thinking the office is a modeling stage, spent too much time on their looks, too little time on work, not dedicated and shall be fired, if they're still around in the office, they must be working under the boss's table.

Regular-looking chicks had a bad day and looked pissed. Poor thing. Pretty chicks had a bad day and looked pissed. What a f-ing bitch. Who does she think she is.

They had to work twice as hard to prove themselves JUST not dumb. By that amount of effort, the regular-looking girls are already at the top. Pretty girls had to be extra nice to people, in the RIGHT amount of EXTRA so people won't think they're fake. Smart pretty girls figured this out, know what's ahead and coming, stay away from the limelight to avoid overshining the others. However some never fail to remind us that they're the limelight- the dumb pretty girls, who wail to the slightest downfall in their lives and blame it on people's jealousy. These girls are usually pretty dumb girls thinking being dumb pretty girls is cute.

So before you starve yourself or stick a finger down your throat, blaming the world being shallow and cruel. The world is cruel to pretty people too because majority believes this is the price they have to pay to own a pretty face. And this makes this majority of people uglier than they already are.

2009 Minus Dramas

2009-01-02T08:52:00.001-08:00

Happy New Year and Happy 2009. No more swearings and cursings so don't be scared.

To be exact, 23 more days until rat year is over. Any undeserving bad luck can still tag along until i light up the firecrackers. That explains why i'm unlucky beyond unlucky today at work. I hunched my back all the way to my car, depressed and down after work, tried to figure out the reasons behind everything, and stopped blaming people for being too harsh to me.

I came out with 2 conclusions.

My problem is, I'm all out there. Most of the people hide in the corners to flip through magazines, or have a sms war, or eat, or nap during work because most of the people in Msia think like typical Asians- focus on quantity and not quality. We should be seen working and nothing but working to prove ourselves capable. I have principles and i do not think i have to give that up to please people or succumb to their level. If I'm caught sleeping or gaming during work, i think i deserve all the scoldings I've got.

But no.

I finished my work, i volunteered to help others to clear their work because work is never about one person and one territory. If i'm caught HELPING, the least i expect is being humiliated in public for my contribution. Even IF I should've stayed where i should, i expect to be spoken to, like an adult speaking to an adult.

I see no reason why work EQUALS TO sufferings. -Content censored-

Just because i do not respond to most accusations or humiliations does not mean i could not differentiate the difference of being picked on, or purely work. I can. If you think my blog is vulgar and violent, you will pee in panties if you're in my head. You'd be surprised how far i can go to suppress my anger.

So 2 conclusions down to 1 conclusion- I was being too harsh on.

Because all the situations, said or not said, can be solved just by simple instructions. Again, the typical Asian working concept- must instill fear to earn respect. No difference with whipping a child just to make sure he knows who daddy is.

Looking at the bigger picture, there are bigger things out there besides me being picked on, like the development of the nation as a whole. It is not too hard to imagine the outcomes of work, supervised by people who believes in nothing more but to force respect, expecting quality work to be delivered through humiliations and tongue-lashings. Fortunately i took an oath during my final year. So I have no intention and time to waste in getting even.

And this morning the Head of our department is wondering why the results produced THIS YEAR (2008) is worse than LAST YEAR (2007).

Not too hard to figure that out.

I'm almost a quarter of a century old and lived 1/3 of human life span already so I should act my age. For this reason, i should not take anything personally anymore and continue to play my role starting 3rd January 2009. I'd still smile and greet, that doesn't mean i'm fake.

Because I'm trying to be professional at work and not allowing any personal issues getting in the way.

Because I took an Oath, for the better of community and nation.

Bcause at the end of the day, when the flesh and mind are weak and i'd still want to set something on fire, i still have the UC, the most helpful seniors, the cutest lil colleagues, the friends who have been there and never left, the new friends who enter my life and stay, to back me up.

Too bad she's leaving on 5th. =(

And that is all i need to go through Ox year.

Last Day of Fucked Up Year

2008-12-31T04:08:00.000-08:00

I shall not give a shit on the last day of 2008 and just say it. No judgements thank you very fucking much.

Today is the last day of fucked up rat year 2008. Rat year is bad for rats, so I've heard. Now i believe every fucking word. I don't know what God is trying to tell me, I've never been so confused before. I woke up heavy headed with the worst headache on human planet, drove to work, nearly kiss some car's ass as i shuffled my tunes on ipod. Ok this is my bad so move on to the series of unfortunate events which can be summed up in a short paragraph.

Worked triple hard and is quadriple effecient, but people don't appreciate but demand more, and find every fucking chance they have to show me who's boss. I had to admit to something that is not my fault to cover for my friends (I'm never the kind who points and blames). When the gastric juice in my tummy almost puncture my stomach, i gobbled ONE FUCKING BISCUIT down just to save my life, squating under the table like a fucking beggar, i was mistaken for being a slacker having a fucking picnic. (Happened on 2nd January, but i'd like to blame it to 2008) Went over to help a Malay colleague to explain to a Chinese uncle, left my position for a bit, i think the looks on their faces almost stone me to death.

DO WHAT SHIT ALSO WRONG.

Came home from work and mother gave me shitload of fucking inconsiderate nonsense, so hard that i cried during New Year Eve's dinner. The first day she came back from 2 weeks in KL, she couldn't wait to shower me with her fucking selfish crap. If you tell me that i am brought home from trash, i would believe you and everything makes sense.

Very good la!! Might as well strike me with lightning so i die on the spot and end my miserable insignificant life.

This morning i don't give a shit about new year. I still have to work, still have to see some cheebye face, still have to give a big sum of money to mother but get mean words in return, still have to avoid freaks who doesn't get a hint, still have to bear with the anger in me everyday because i'm transferred to a place i never wanted to come back, ever, and fucking stuck here for a year.

But you know what they say, you gotta have the worst before you have the best.

Ok i say one.

Today is the last day of 2008. I hope i wake up tomorrow feeling rested. I will pray the moment i wake up, for a better year ahead, with never dying hopes and dreams.

New year resolutions

-Deleted because they're too stupid-

Happy New Year. Tomorrow we'll look back at 2008, give it double middle fingers and move on.

Meli Friggin Krismes

2008-12-24T01:18:00.000-08:00

I miss my Rudolph's Antlers and i cannot party without it. Since i have nothing to do, i decided to wish some people Meli Krismes.

Tzyy: Lek, yesterday i dreamt of you DEAD! Like, commit suicide or something!! You still there or not???

Lek replied. So i suppose he's alive and i just pissed him off badly on Christmas Eve. My job is done and i shall move on to the next victim.

Tzyy: Meli Xmas

E: How come you're wishing me now, don't want to wish me later?

Tzyy: I wished you Meli Xmas mah, today is Meli xmas. Tomorrow is Merry Christmas.

Tzyy: Guess what is the day after tomorrow?

E: Merry Ymas?

Tzyy: No.

E: Then?

Tzyy: Friday.

I think the only person who would entertain me on a Christmas Eve instead of partying just abandoned me.

I shall call Nicky later.

THIS, is Creativity.

2008-12-22T03:52:00.001-08:00

Today i almost died peeling myself off the bed to work. Anyone who work for a living (I'm very sorry but blogging for a living is not working for a living, because work is called WORK for a reason. Well depends whether your blog deserves the respect or not.) has all the right to be cranky and bitchy on Mondays. Then again, if you don't hate Mondays means you're not working hard enough. If you're not productive enough to hate Mondays and you love your job, obviously you're not important enough in the company and are the next in line to be fired, unless all your job requires is creativity and doesn't care whether you work on Mondays or not as long as you produce some creative work. Since you're in the creative team, you might as well be fking creative. If you're not hardworking enough to hate mondays and you love your job but all you produce is lame shits, i do not understand why you are still here.

Hallo! Nobody takes out the trash nowadays??

I don't understand how certain people make their way into the creative team really. Write nonsense, talk nonsense, create nonsense, post nonsense and still think they're helluva creative. Still, all the above is forgivable because we do have soft spots for stupid people after taking Moral as one of the SPM subjects, we have belas kasihan.

But talk cock is an entirely different thing.

Usually I can tolerate cock talking people but not on Mondays. But sometimes i brought it on myself because i checked out some stupid until very kasihan blogs after work (I suspect i purposely want to provoke myself so i have more reasons to complain about Mondays).

Until today we cannot be too certain about how a human brain functions, but i'm quite certain that some brains are too canggih that the impulse passing from the brain to their mouth fails to convey the complete message. Or some parts went missing along the way. So when you read some of these cock-talking people wrote, you had to think a bit to understand what they actually mean.

Results of missing brain parts:"I don't have lipstick mascara eyeliner fake lashes, with minimal makeup on~" after posting a series of photos.

Message trying to convey: I am pretty naturally without makeups but i don't dare to say it out loud because people will be jealous of me.

Results of retarded growth of some important message conveying route: "It's not edited and no special lightning, i just sang it out on a regular day, some more i have a soar throat/flu/Narcissism cancer~"

Message trying to convey: I can sing but i don't dare to say it out loud because people will be jealous of me.

This reminds me of a subject i used to take during my final year- Psychology and its treatment. Usually manic patients experience grandiosity. Neh, those in Hospital Bahagia or Bukit Padang singing away thinking they're Elvis Presley. Usually they're anxious as well, like, thinking the goverment is sending spies after them, or they can sing, or other people are jealous of them.

Manic people also shows another symptom- unable to execute goal-directed activites. Like, one second their dream is becoming a model, then the next second their childhood dream, since young, is to become a singer.

You must be very busy as a child lo.

I don't know about you, i grew up wanting to become a writer, but now when i see people like this, i want to become a terrorist lo. Sorry government, that was a joke.

So, when you failed to impress people with your cock talks, failed to execute your first and second imaginary childhood dreams, don't freakin tell people you LOVE your job and don't hate Mondays.

Because

Majority of us, the productive, contributing, economy-building people do. And many of us are terrorists inside Sorry government, that was a joke, do not like sound of pigs shrieking all the way to the top of coconut tree, and definitely do not like cock talking society rubbish very much.

I Am Big Girl Now (For 3 minutes)

2008-12-16T06:51:00.001-08:00

16 December 08 Tuesday Sunny

Today is the worst day of my working days. None of my effort paid off this week. All the effort, the time, the sleeps i sacrificed for work went down the drain. And today someone challenged my boiling point. It was 99% at 4pm today. One more degree celsius, someone's head will be squashed. I never let that happen. So i went home with the worst headache, woke up at 10pm feverish.

I got sick of work, literally. Even my body's rejecting it.

You always learn something when you fell, or failed. And i'll always remember what i was taught tonight.

[要做的是让别人看到自己的能力，不是脾气。越生气，只会越令人瞧不起。]

Happy New Year

2008-12-15T02:19:00.000-08:00

Been working for almost 3 months. Even myself could not stand my working attitude. If i don't change starting tomorrow onwards, i'll either be sent to some places where dogs won't even shit to finish off my 3-yr compulsory service; or retained in the same hospital, under strict supervision, with ankle bracelet.

Today i was so thristy, i went to get some water when where i'm suppose to work at, is free from congestion for 1 minute. On my way back to my station, i got the sternest look ever from somebody who thinks he/she is somebody with some sort of authority whom we pretend to respect to give face only. *I could get fired, remember? If i tell, that speeds up the process.*

I almost didn't blurt out :"Why? Wana write my name down and tell teacher ah??"

If anyone from my work place read my stuff, and spread the news and create dramas and conflicts for me, will have itchy genitals so badly that resist any antifungals, antibacterias and antivirus. Instead, trying to get rid of the itch will only make fungals grow on top of bacteria and have virus babies. Then at the end ka-boom, explode into fireworks and had a damn happy new year to remember.

[当我和世界不一样那就让我不一样]

I'm The Worst Damn Thing

2008-12-12T07:32:00.000-08:00

This is the last post about it. And then i'll move on and have a fresh start in 2009.

A lot of people are happy people. Happy people are simple people. Simple people might or might not know what they really want in life, but having what the conservative society expects them to have is good enough. You learn to walk, you go to college, you have a job, you met a girl, you get married at the age of 25 after being in a relationship for 3 years, have kids in another 2 years. Your boat sailed smooth and the wind blew right.

Everything is right. Sun shines brightly in the sky.

Unfortunately, i'm one of the very few, who knows exactly what i want in life, knowing nothing is wrong is everything wrong. The kind who had to try everything in life, failed, broken just to feel pain to know which path is less painful.

I had 2 serious relationships. By serious i mean i actually thought of spending my life with that person i was with. To be honest, i've never considered the previous ones, the temporary, fleeting, attraction-based fireworks, relationships. What started fast ended faster. At the end of the day, i wanted to be with someone not only outsmart me, but made me laugh so badly i had cramps even in the ovary, and go back for more.

They call it puppy love. I referred them as people i've dated. I thought that's love; i had no idea; i knew he's a liar; I knew this has no point; We're better as friends; Pure fireworks- pretty much summed up everything. One week later, maximum a month, i got over them. Don't get me wrong, even though there are mistakes, i still respect them as the impact they left on me made me who i am today. Some, are still good friends.

Not particularly painful (now that i think about it), not leaving permanent scars. Like footprints on the sand, a wave came and the beach is clear again.

This time around, it isn't and it didn't take a week, or maximum a month, because everything fell apart from what i believed was perfect and unshakable. I knew it was wrong when i had to work on it, to make it happen. If it's right, there's nothing that needed to work on, that left us exhausted and consumed. So we let each other breathe.

When commitment and faith is involved, i realized it's not the person i have to learn to live without, but to live without the awaited, planned future. Gone. Now rebuild. Some urged me into another relationship again once my market is open and they expect i'm taking bids. I have nothing and i'm starting from scratch, what do i have, to give?

I think i'm the best thing and the worst thing that could happened to the previous Ex. Thanks to me, his next girlfriend will be spoilt to a swollen bratball because he gave in completely to feed my fussy wants and needs. No thanks to him, the next boyfriend has no idea what kind of trouble he'll get himself into.

I knew it was the right thing to do at the moment. I knew the complication that i've brought into his life turned his world upside down, and never the same ever since. The pain might be piercing, tormenting, because of the good times we had, the private jokes and thoughts we shared, and how right it felt before our paints of the future are no longer the same. It will go away, eventually, and we will look back, at least i will, with a smile on my face, telling my kids that was the best time i've ever had, before their dad.

[往前走不回头看了]

The Day The World Turned Upside Down

2008-12-11T01:42:00.000-08:00

A story about one second in his life so beautifully written that i want to keep and remember.

---
I knew I had asked one too many questions (as I always do being the curious, cautious infant that I am), when I heard the frustration in her voice. The waves were thumping but were overshadowed by the tingling pulse in my head. A menacing throb.

A sound drifted from the far end of the beach and originated from two pairs of feet probably hunting down the perfect place to photograph themselves in the gleam of moon rays . I shook the urge off, thinking of something smart to utter like "Well, they say kissing spreads germs."

I could barely see her face in the dark, and we talked in whispers. It was pitch black except for the radiant moon light dripping between the clouds. I could hear the hum of a generator, the sound of seagulls in the distance, but I only half-heard what she was saying. I was thinking of how to kiss her.

I caught myself before I blurbed "So what about that kiss you owe me?", for the thousandth time. I calmed myself and there was a long pause. Her feet were on mine and I leaned in. No good. The hand I had supporting her back moved along with my body and she fell back 2 inches. I needed to rethink my strategy.

Pulse after pulse, the menacing throb took so much oxygen away that I was gasping for air. Something had to be done. The soft crush of sand breaking away under my feet started an entire series of movements that couldn't be stopped.

In one swift burst of confidence, I kneeled over in front of her, the beach bench was just the right height. I closed my eyes and concentrated on pursing my lips just right. Our faces sort of smooshed together. There was one millisecond of awkwardness, and then the world stopped dead. Is was that instant when the roller coaster reached the summit and was about to descend. I couldn't hear anything, see anything, think anything. Every atom of me was concentrated on my lips.

The coaster descended, I was dizzy. There was a buzzing sound in my ears, and I could feel every hair on my wind-messed head.

When I got back to my room that night, I climbed into the neatly kept bed. Pursed my eyes and and fell asleep. But I didn't go to sleep for a very long time. The world, my world has just been turned upside down.

By, Gin.
---

He kneeled over to kiss her. Now that's perfect.

[这次你却说等我走]

Nuf Said

2008-12-09T02:43:00.000-08:00

www.i-will-die-of-exhaustion-and-frustration.com

Lon3lyG@lCut3yp!eMuahmUahChucHu@.@

2008-12-08T23:00:00.000-08:00

I used to have a Friendster account until i screwed it up on purpose, then Facebook came along and I thought it's a tad cooler. The main point of having one of these, is to keep in touch if not in list of all friends, instead of opening up 5 accounts and added a whole village of strangers to boost popularity. Another reason that Facebook is Friendster but cooler, is that people actually use their names instead of combinations of symbols and nicknames like Porky Pink Cute shit or something equally as pesky that annoyed the bejesus out of me.

Unless your name is Fungusflabia or Virgingina or anything equally as horrible, or nobody deserves to use nicknames! My friend's name is Tai Bo and man, he's proud to use his! Why not you! (I hope he's not reading)

It works just fine until recently it added bloody lots of unnecessary features. Plus this thing broadcasts the slightest changes you make. Allow me to furnish you with the perfect examples.

Facebook is perfect for people who wanted attention, wanted to be seen in happening clubbing scenes and wanted to be kicked on the ass. Unfortunately there are people like this in the society who wormed their ways into our friends list and enjoyed their stay because we don't want to be mean. Yet. So preferably if Facebook can detect these people right away, and save us from notifications or photo updates or whatever crap from them. Under Section- Try Hards and Very Sorry.

When you want people to know less, Facebook will not allow that to happen either. First, tagging comes along so whatever ugly pictures and videos we try to avoid being seen will be publicly exposed. No permission needed. Similarly for the rest, especially relationship status. Once you click, it makes sure everybody gets it.

And when people gets it, people think.

Translating to"Tzyyling's relationship is growing stale, please drag her out of denial by commenting, so everyone else can see or join in feeling bad for her."

Then, it welcomes the public to comment on anything, and published for the entire list of friends and family, and other interlinked Facebook users to stumble upon. Pariah piece of buggering feature.

Now how can one not feeling personally intruded?

Certain people popped their irritating and inappropriate blocks of comments out to mess with you, and if that's not embarressing enough, your whole list of friends, ex boyfriends, aunties, uncle's, uncle's friend, uncle's friend's daughter's cousin's wife's neighbour are reading.

But the good thing is, we can always keep track with who's going out with who and stupid enough to let the whole damn world to know and judge. *Exclude married and engaged ones, those have all the rights*

Nonetheless, i've met amazing, wonderful people on this social networking web who gave my monotonous life a twist, a pinch of spice and everything nice.

I dare not to imagine what who I'll miss out without Facebook. And how I made it through the nights.

A Good Song

2008-12-07T10:09:00.000-08:00

Do you know where your heart is?
Do you think you can find it?
Or did you trade it for something, somewhere better, just to have it?

Do you know where your love is?
Do you think that you lost it?
You felt it so strong but nothing turned out how you want it.

Do you think I can find it?
Do you think you can find it,
better than you had it?

One Republic- Say.

I searched. And it's hollow.

Never Know Until You Try

2008-12-05T01:59:00.001-08:00

Last night E was pestering me about a question in which he was pestered into answering. So i pestered L today just to pass on the pester itch.

The question is, when you're out with someone you love the most, and were mugged. After robbing both of you, he got horny and couldn't decide which one to rape. Yes he is bisexually horny. You get to choose. You. Or. your girl/man. We don't need to imagine how a girl will be raped, but we need to be clear about how a man will be raped- Crysanthemum blossom. Equally as traumatic and terrible as the girl victim.

So E chose to be the hero and have his colon widened, in that case.

I chose the third option- Pretend i give in, and offer o.s. Just as he unzips his pants, my man will whack his nose until patah and i cucuk his mata, then we run off.

Plan B-if my man is a wussie pussie, then i'll personally chew as hard as i could until my teeth patah, and pull as hard as i could until his testicles detached themselves. The whole thing down there must become spaghetti bolognaise sauce. And flight after i cucuk his mata.

L looked at me and his lunch. Gulped.

Then he said:"Aiya of course me la, nothing one ma, belum cuba belum tau, sudah cuba hari hari mau, who knows he found my G-spot and i turned gay leh!!"

I thought i was weird.

No wonder he chose banana over the 2 cocopuffs.

2 Weddings and My Funeral

2008-11-29T10:08:00.000-08:00

Poor Irene Yee's boyfriend (Don't know who). No name.

2 Weddings, 1 party and 1 reunion on a Saturday night. My camera ran out of battery, my phone ran out of battery, even my watch stopped ticking. Half way through the reunion, CoffeeBean power supply stopped. I caught myself sighing out of relief in the dark.

Angela's wedding at Le Meridien

Charissa's Wedding at Shangri La

I hope everything could stop for a while so i can lick my wound and sleep like a child. I'm starting to feel that i could not catch up with life's pace. When did we grow so fast.

Chearie's wedding is perfect for her. I could feel the love of the couple as i entered the ballroom panting and sweating from another wedding. Derek looked nervous, Chearie looking slightly tired yet glowed with happiness, you don't have to be their friends to know that these 2 love each other. From the way they laughed, the depth of love is overwhelming.

Why finding the perfect partner for life is so easy for certain people, and so hard for other people?

By other people, i mean me.

By hard, i mean looking for a particular rare, precious fish in the deep ocean seen once in a million years, not the tunas or the salmons and certainly not Ikan kembung.

I hope anyone who tells me "There're many fishes in the sea." or "Don't worry, you'll find someone" with that pity look on their faces would get diarrhea and/or constipation at least 6 times a day, 4 times a week, one alternating with other, condemned with this hex until i'm happy. Utter bullshit. So shall not shit properly.

So.......then i stopped grumbling. No, it's never easy for anyone and it's very unfair to think so because i have no idea what Derek or Chearie went through in life, ended up being each other's treasure. I don't know Derek but i know Chearie, and tonight i realized how brave she can be, dived into a relationship, took the risks, survived and invited me to witness her fruitful relationship which blossomed into a marriage.

To my brave girl.

I don't know if i'll ever have that kind of courage. Or Angela's endurance and patience in sustaining a long term relationship. The couple sealed the deal, finally.

If i have to have a relationship right now, it would be with myself so i can build up some optimisim, and in every other ways that could make me a better person. The question is, how much time do i have left?

I blame it on living in a conservative and judgmental society. So i shouldn't care. And never did.

I will NEVER settle for tunas or salmons or ikan kembongs even if my boobs are at my hips.

为什么

2008-11-26T10:18:00.000-08:00

一年前的今天，部落格上的这首歌，很多年后才再联系上的我们，不知道你还记不记得这种感觉。一年后的今天，部落格上的这首歌，还是令我想起了你，两个来自不同世界的人是怎么走在一起。

谢谢你，把你的外套让给我，然后病了一整天。谢谢你，千里迢迢的，熬夜送我到机场，然后为了不让我的眼泪留下来，又把我载回去。

今年的生日我只有一个愿望，只要你快乐。

Older and None The Richer

2008-11-20T02:45:00.000-08:00

Don't be too surprised if you see me holding an empty can, squatting by the streets begging for money. My paycheck is delayed for 2 months, with birthdays and weddings along the way and never seem to end, in addition to the way i spend, I suspect I'll have to lick dirt off the floor to feed myself soon.

It was dad's birthday. I suppose since i started working, i shall be a good daughter and break our family tradition which is...nothing. Dad and mom never give a damn about birthdays and festivals. I don't get presents or extra money on my birthdays ever since I'm 12, not even when i turned 18 or 21. I didn't get Ang Pows from them for 3 years. Dad even asked if it's ok if he doesn't attend my convocation. They're very non-festive people, so cold that sometimes i think i was really picked up from the trashcan.

So I shall instill good ol' family traditions into my parents' minds from now on, even if their unshaken obstinacy get on my nerves and bones all the freakin time.

We never share the same taste. Instead of compromising, we shall get whatever we want.

Picking a birthday present for him is not too hard. Fewer buttons, straight forward navigations, everything is perfect for him except the need of itunes to insert songs. Searching songs for him is harder than teaching him all about itunes. The other day he just asked for Oldies.

The kind so loud that whole Sabah can hear.

Maybe this kind of oldies make him feel more semangat when he jogs. I couldn't find him any, substituting these music with Pink or Pussycat Dolls might be a good idea, so my dad can be IN a bit.

I haven't buy anything for my sister's, brother's and mom's birthdays yet. Poor me. So poor i think i'll be eating grass on my coming birthday.

Wake Me Up When November Ends

2008-11-11T09:11:00.000-08:00

I have weddings to attend to this month. The couples have all my blessings, and my money, not that i have to lot to give. My heart bleeds, and now my purse. One of the brides is my old bestie, as much as i would like to catch up, i could not bring myself to give her an update of my current life, like to other good friends i care for. With so many couples tying the knot this month, i'm sure the last thing they want to hear is their friend went through a life changing phase where everything from work to relationship turned upside down, way down. I forbid my friends celebrating their new chapters of life with guilt.

In November 2008, i finally learned that if you really care for someone, it's harder for you to break any bad news to them. You hope they will never feel the pain that you're going through, so you say "I'm okay." even when the sorrow sank so deep and never leave. Yet sometimes, i hope they ask whether i'm okay even during the days when they're busy, or during the nights when they're busy celebrating.

In November 2008, i finally learned that if life can give you the best things and make you the happiest person on earth, it can also take all these things away the next second for no reason.

I'm done with my November 2008.

Now i'm looking at my new 2009 calendar. I tossed it aside.

I'm not ready.

四年

2008-11-09T07:15:00.000-08:00

四年。。。再等四年。

为了这份工作，值得吗?

我到底在干嘛?很清楚自己想要的是什么，可是命运的安排永远不能如我所愿。路不是人走出来的吗?怎么感觉上，我好像为了身边很多的人和责任，被迫走了24年。看着前面铺好的路，我停下了脚步。就像选择终身伴侣一样，这样的路，和为了结婚而结婚，没有分别，都是因为做大家都做的事，过大家认为应该过的人生。

这样的人生除了得到大家的认同之外，没有意义。

我等，我忍。然后我会不顾一切。

能不能就讓悲傷全部結束在此刻重新開始活著- 你不是真正的快樂, 五月天

To Prove You Nothing But Wrong and Stubborn

2008-11-04T02:38:00.000-08:00

I like to observe people at work because that's when people show their true colours, aware or unaware, like knee jerks, involuntarily. Very often, we get to see the ugliest sides of human beings and astonishingly, how far we can go for our goals. It can be quite disgusting.

I can deal with the bossy authority-crave botox-overdosed faces, as they put it out there. But a particular type of people, is hardest to deal with. They think they're right. Even if their actions speak otherwise, contradicting whatever they said, they still think they're hell of a right person. We should thank God that these people don't make it to become judges. Or else the whole damn city will be so busy being imprisoned, fined and compulsory to study Moral and Ethics up the hills for 4 years, being vegetarian at the same time.

You'll know one when you meet one.

In fact, i own a space of mine to release my negative energy to convert to the positive energy in order to deal with life, is morally defective and downright low. Apparently, being brutally, as in, really, brutally honest with yourself, attended to the deepest emotions and anger, releasing them through elements as physically harmless as words enclosing identities, something must have gone wrong with upbringing or education.

So, SUPPRESSING these energy and accumulate everything under our skin is RIGHT.

How many chee sin people became chee sin because constant suppression of emotions? How many types of crimes out there, as sickening as mass massacre for skin is because of that, too? I will not apologize for effective and socially harmless way of anger management. I'm so sorry that these people are so uptight that all they can do is shove their heads in the sand like ostrich.

Like, after a helluva exhausting hard day, you told your best friend A and best friend B about your day,

Best Friend A said:" Oh no..you poor thing. Well i know!! She's..."

Best Friend B said:" God bless you. Life is like that. You shouldn't complain."

Poor best friend B will be slapped so hard across the face, i tell you. What's up with the "holier than thou" thing!?

--RIGHT people failed to understand that, sometimes people don't mean what they say. Sometimes, complaining and exaggeration is a way to let things go, so we can see the brighter sides of tomorrow.

RIGHT person always think before they speak, like having some severe braincell lagging problem. Thinking before you answer is a wise move, but if this process takes more than a second, became obvious, it just makes that person appears fake inside out, through and through, as they shape their answers, to questions as simple as the weather. Such thin line, such big difference it makes.

And then what RIGHT person always, always, claimed? Being honest and transparent, never guess the meaning behind words, as innocent and genuine as they can be.

So they're always honest and genuine, yet running a scan in the head before attended to simple questions, never doubtful and cautious towards others. Even a primary school kid knows something is wrong with this sentence.

RIGHT person rationalizes everything if things don't go as planned, or expected, from words to personalities. They think they know the story behind it like they've been in your shoes, calls you bad-mouthing or other judgemental accusations when they know nuts, and cleverly make a u-turn, exclaiming their surprises to such manners.

Perfect example- I was widely known as a playboy's ex when i am not EVEN close to that playboy. In fact i despised him throughout high school to college. The day i started working, my new colleagues know me through the story! Imagine MY shock. See!? This kind of thing, i'm not suppose to say ANYTHING about it? Like the time when i was so badly accused? Like the many other times? Like many they do not know of, but trying to be the judge just after listening to some stories from their sides?? Normal people would just read and leave the matter alone. RIGHT people don't. They know shit and still dare to give some biased thoughts on other people's business.

And then what RIGHT person always, always claimed? They are brought up very well that such thing is unacceptable, with the shoulds and shouldn'ts, and how they would handle such situations, with respect to all humankind.

It's another way of saying :"Aiya i am born rich, i also don't understand why other people so poor." So much for respect. All the bullshit about not judging and respect go out of the window the second they criticise.

One terrible thing happened to them in life, they think they know it all. All of us have issues, some people appeared fine but god knows how much they've been through. Like we don't judge people with tattoos. How many people have tattoos on their bodies and sometimes the reason is as simple as "they just want one" instead of "that person must be poorly educated"? IF the reason is really poor educational background...then what? You feel relieved that these people are figured out? How bout feeling sorry for the way life treats them!?

--We're just who we are, and there's no rights and wrongs to these things. The difference between you and me, is my respect to that, and isn't ashamed of revealing human emotions albeit ugly, for this is the furthest i can go; and you still think your highness, is a tad above all, saying all those rightfully sounded words to cover up whatever you have up your sleeves.

Even if you don't, asserting innocence and shock towards intolerable behaviors, contradicting yourself by your actions, is more appaling than anything. At least i know shame. I know i'm mean at times (usually regret later on), but i don't point at other bloggers and say :"Aiya i am disgusted by what they write because i am well educated, but ya know, i respect people one."

RIGHT people spent their lives finding the meaning of life, tip their toes, watch where they go so nothing will absolutely go wrong.
Other live their lives, with all the faults and flaws.

The Bau of Malang Once Came, Will Not Stop

2008-10-31T08:13:00.000-07:00

I gave up my wisdom tooth today because wisdom brought me so much trouble. I didn't know i had such a big, hidden wisdom until this morning.

Did an x-ray this afternoon.

It has a life of its own, grew to this size, bullying the poor neighboring tooth on its way out. Man, this thing inherited all my traits. I could not help but wonder how my very own daughter will turn out.

The dentist had to saw it off a couple of times, drilling and plucking it out with all his might. Another attempt i suspect the dentist's going to pluck my face out of frustration.

The amount of painkillers i need after the surgery.

Maximum.

I look like half a chipmunk now.

Malang Tidak Bau-bau

2008-10-30T08:17:00.000-07:00

You know what they say about one's personality is often reflected by their driving skills. I knew, deep down inside, deep deep down, i'm a lousy driver. Not the kind who brakes and easily startled at the slightest distraction on the roads (like my mom). I'm the kind who fails in estimation of distance and speed.

Very fast, very furious.

"Still near, still slow, i'll hit the brakes when i need to."

(Personality: Never realize sometimes, it's a little too late.)

I know it's my fault when almost everyone warned me about it. This is not the first time i got myself in shit. Like they knew it's coming, my parents are always cool about my little incidents. But my friends are never cool with it. They yell at me, criticise my driving skills, make sarcastic jokes, with the austere expressions on their faces if i ever pull off monkey stunts unintentionally. Then i'm forbidded to drive by them.

"The distance is right, i know what i'm doing"
(Personality: Over confidence.)

" But it's raining so heavily, the road is slippery, and the windshield is dirty!!"
(Personality: Blame the others when in deep shit.)

"Not me not me!!"
(Really, not me.)

There goes my first paycheck. For the first time i hope Christmas is delayed.

Please. Don't ask me out. Don't tell me about your birthday. Don't get married first. Don't make babies at the end of the year.

Boyfriends SUCK

2008-10-24T07:36:00.000-07:00

I had to say, sometimes we're willing to close one eye and love our friends blindly for who they are although some of them is the kind we wanted to slap, if they're not our friends to begin with.

If i have a good friend who's after pageants, modeling contests and stuff like that, i might make her 1000 flyers, 3000 banners and a 5 feet high poster, flagging away like a tiny fan under the stage with a whistle between my lips and glow-in-the-dark bands on my wrists, looking overexcited and retarded.

God knows, you know, how much i despise fame-hungry girls. But that's not what i find most disappointing in girls because some of these girls are actually nice and really believe in girl bonding more than anything.

Not a lot really believes in it anymore, especially when the biological clock is ticking. Unfortunately some of the girls i care about are the ones i can't stand the most.

All they can think about is they bf, all they can talk about is their bf, the only reason they go out is because their bfs are fetching. Their entire brain has no space for everything else but their bfs. Their future plans and vacations are made, depending on their bfs. Before applying leave from the boss, the bfs' approvals come first. Must discuss with bf, must tell bfs, must make sure bf likes it, their ovums flow or not also depend on the bf, period blood also must retain in uterus if their bf doesn't like it. Their brain juice flow out also got the boyfriend's smell.

BOYFRIEND
BOYFRIEND BOYFRIEND BOYFRIEND BOYFRIEND BOYFRIEND
BOYFRIEND BOYFRIEND BOYFRIEND BOYFRIEND BOYFRIEND BOYFRIEND BOYFRIEND.

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

They forgot what happened before they discover the wonders of a potential husband. They forgot boyfriends used to be assholes who crashed their fragile little boyfriend-juice-filled-heart.

And after all the nights you poured all your time and attention and concentration and supportive-words-deficient-brainjuice to mend their bloody fragile hollow hearts (boyfriend gone, blood also dried up), the perfect guy dropped from the heavens into their arms, looking right back with their sissy lovestruck eyes into yours. Oh, so NOW (yes, starting that moment), life's PURRFECT. Aiyo suffer so long finally got good return. Like stockmarket, we have to wait.

Yea, wait. Not thanking the person who pulled you out of shit, because, apparently, that is PART of life, and the existence of a perfect man, is a blardy MIRACLE.

Then what happened to the friend whose brain tak function after all the dramas? Have to give big ang pow to the newly weds.

Then where is MY balasan bagus?! When it's my turn to get married, everyone would probably be too kiam siap (stingy) because they're busy to save up for their kids or i probably took too long to get married, everyone becomes grandparents already.

The moral of the story is, the next time your friend cry and whine and want to die over a guy...

Tell her...

Gong Xi Fa Cai

2008-10-16T06:29:00.001-07:00

Sometimes i wonder why nobody sue my family yet. I'm pretty sure mom has perfect hearing. Athough whenever she expresses her opinions, she tends to be loud and exaggerative, especially over the phone. She made the hearts of unsuspecting innocent souls skip a few beats whenever she answers the phone.

"HALLO!! HALLLLO!! HAHH!? HAHH!?!?"

That poor phone also gone deaf i think. I thought her auditory sensory function is declining so i tested her by telling my brother something that usually gets her full attention, followed by exaggerative response. To support the credibility of the test, we purposely whisper in dad's presence cuz my poor dad has a bit of poor hearing.

"Eh later want to get some pearl milk tea?"

"SEI LOH!!!! You drink cold water again!!?" (Yeah she and her bizarre theories of drinking hot water only.)

Usually her words attract concerns from strangers who accidentally overheard the conversation and thought something bad happened.

"SEI loh!!! SEI loh!!! (Die lo, die loh!!!)"

She responds to everything we said like that. At first i assumed what i just said is really that bad. Later i learned that this runs in her family. My mom actually inherited a bit of it compared to my aunts who "SEI loh" to absolutely everything, thank god.

Mom...
"Mom i'm out with friends."
"SEI loh now what time you come back??"

Aunts...
"I'll start working when the government send me my posting letter."
"SEI loh what if never come."

"Sure come, a bit late maybe."
"SEI loh what if they don't want you."

"Won't la. They want us to work for them for 4 years anyway."
"SEI loh!!"

"........................."

Anyway her hearing is perfectly well. Dad, however, was getting used to it as he has a strong heart which survived me. We are confused. If she can hear perfectly well, then what's up with the loud voice, loud music and loud tv. Every night she listens to her dance music and practices along, some of her music are cuckoo shits i tell you. The whole neighborhood must be thinking we celebrate Chinese New Year all year round.

So i am writing my forever-never-end report now, she's doing her dong-dong-chiang downstairs. My poor PMR brother got pissed off so badly, he stomp downstairs looking like King Kong. I put my trust in him to put a stop to the neighbourhood's misery.

King kong did not return.

Later i went downstairs, and saw the 3 of them watching the news together, max volume on tv.

Since there's nothing i can do about it, might as well join in and ignire firecrackers outside la. When we go, we go ALL THE DAMN WAY ma.

P/s: Sometimes i caught her listening to Fergie- Clumsy and The apple bottom jeans, low low song. But...you don't want to know how your mom shakes her bon bon to these music.

Missing For 2 Weeks-2

2008-10-15T00:20:00.000-07:00

I never thought i like shopping THAT much until i stepped into the infamous Wu-Fen-Pu 五分埔 at Taipei. The Fashion Origin, they call it. The place is made up of many old streets connecting together by boutiques and specialty stores, where all the suppliers distribute the goods in huge amount. Like you're one tiny ant standing in front of 1 big watermelon, and don't know where to start.

It is THIS big.

Each small street has more than 10 shops. You do the math.

Unlike those in Sungai Wang KL, we absolutely will get lost as a result of price comparison from shore to store to avoid being conned or find similar tops everywhere that extinguish our bloody thrill to show it off.

Every store has its own style, lolitapunk, try-hard-to-be-hongkies, Sweet-Japanese, OL wear, Sixteens, Tomboys, Prostitutey-Slutty, Girls Street Wear, Sports wear, costumes...etc. The fashion for the twenty-ones DO look like they're for the twenty-ones, unlike the Forever Twenty-One in Malaysia where some of their stuff like like Seventy-one and some like One.

No one enters every store in sight. The owners have to flaunt their best stuff on the manniquins to bring in the customers. Some of them came up with very chic mix and match, that saves us a lot of time figuring out on our own, which might turn out all wrong.

Especially for those who has NO IDEA what they want and pester the shit outta you to comment on they tried.

Did i not mention non-branded clothings in Malaysia is SERIOUSLY overpriced? Here you can easily get the trendiest top that looks like a usual RM89, but it's actually RM23.

The shoes we used to go ga-ga for in Malaysia, cost around RM50+ back there, the standard price for shoes here is RM23. They do have the RM129, RM239 and RM339 ones, and the quality speaks for itself. A dollar for a dollar.

At the end of the day, i...

postponed my flight back to stay another week.

Why not?!

This freakin place has different kinds of fries (limpy, crunchy, crunchy on the outside limpy on the inside, crisscross, wedges, cheesey... and sauces/flavour of your choice to go with it!!

WTF??

2008-10-13T04:00:00.000-07:00

Actually what does the current "wtf" means?? I thought wtf should be used to exclaim highest degree of astonishment that you couldn't help to add a bit of smut?

Like, for so-so surprises.
"She broke up with her boyfriend."
"What??"

For big-ass hell of a surprise.
"She said you're a whore."
"Wtf?!"

But nowadays people keep adding this slang at the end of almost all sentences to confuse poor old folks like me.

"I feel lazy to walk today wtf."

Wtf??

*scratch head*

I Got The Eyeballs

2008-10-07T09:36:00.000-07:00

M*......H*i.

I hate working. No wonder NOBODY likes working. I was assigned to the second busiest task, but the busiest central department, which has no cellphone reception AT ALL, ALONE.

And some of the people ( I must control the urge to type her position!!) expects me to know everything on the second day. Even IF i have to be so damn competent in MY field (non-existence after 5 months of holidays thanks to late posting), i am NOT trained to UNDERSTAND the system which differs from department to department, company to company, state to state. She bloody rolled her eyeballs out of impatience when i bowed nicely with the sweetest smile, asking her what to do with the paper.

The next time she rolls her bulging pregnant eyeballs, I'm going to poke satay stick into them, dig it out when they're still juicy, and panggang them over bon-bon fire.

First is Tough

2008-10-04T01:36:00.000-07:00

*Walk into my room, drop the bags and documents, faint* What a strenuous day.

When my first foot step upon office ground, we could feel the tense atmosphere in the department. Holy shit, I thought to myself, this cannot be good. Like the feeling i had during that very morning when i was greeted by 2 lil colleagues. But this is different, the room reeked of stress and tension.

"You're...Tzyyling right? Yea of course we know you!" exclaimed the slighter taller girl with eyes of sparkling almonds. Her statement is supported by nods from the other one with rosey cheeks. As cheerful as they sound, i can't help but wonder what's with the recognition. With my past flashing before me, i was quite certain however they know about me, should be very much misinformed and misleaded. Because they were not my friends.

Then me and my friends were guided to our department by another familiar gentleman who clearly stated my name as i walked past him. Then a piece of memory enlightened me, all of them are from the same college i went, where a muthafarkatoothpickdickfabiaface took advantage of my unworldiness and there was a whole hoo-haa going on. I was stupid back then but not now.

I dislike the unexpecting recognition because now i had to work TWICE as hard to show them who i really am, but not necessarily accepted as that could be rubbing salt on the wounds. Then again, why should i care? I daresay, it's DEFINITELY, no doubt, their loss if i'm not made a friend.

I might be thinking too much. To set a right working principal- i'm here to work, and if the people has a butt itch and force me to scratch, i'll shove the fingers right back into their nostrils. Unless anyone has anything up the arse so deep that i needed to be anal.

That reminds me of something i read before:

Life is full of ups and downs, and we fall down sometimes.

But most importantly, we must learn how to pick ourselves up,

Look around us say loudly, ‘TIU NIA SING!! WHO PUSH ME AH?’

Yes, i'm here for work. And that's that. Dramamamas can take their matters somewhere else. I don't have time for nonsense like this, especially over the internet. Blogging is one thing, obsessing over fans and haters over the internet?? Oh, i'm sorry. I shall have pity on those who think they're still in high school due to stunted growth, have too much time on hand therefore digging attention from every possible source once the last stir they caused died off. Because other people besides people like this, have other priorities to attend to.

Besides that, i've made some new smart friends. So far everything is fine.

Dread Monday though.

Updates on The Sudden Recognition by New Colleagues.

Potong Steam

2008-10-01T10:01:00.000-07:00

It sucks when my overexcitement is unattended.

Come on la, it's Jay Zhou's new album and i had all the songs ALREADY!

What do you mean, shameless-downloader?!

Fine. I'll go buy the album. (mumbling: it's not even as good as the previous ones. *swearing curse*)

Yea well. *shrug* No one gives a damn. =(

I Should See a Shrink

2008-09-30T06:52:00.001-07:00

Today is the longest day in 2008.

Back in the old days, there's a girl friend who i can never stand but i have to, for many important reasons. I have to go where she wanted us all to, nodded along even though i don't get a poop of whatever coming out of her mouth, try to fit in but all i wanted is out, even when she accused me of something terrible in front of other classmates just to clear her name, i had to suck it all up, go to the cafeteria with her like all is forgotten, and tell people she's not that mean when she could not wait a second to feed others with spiteful accusations. I let her.

Human behaviour is the one thing that we can never be entirely certain about. The only thing in my mind back then was hoping time ticks faster so we'll separate ways because i'm afraid i might hit my limit and wreak vengeance.

Today i realized i can still do that, wore my smiles over intense destructive fury. The only difference is, i don't think i can go as far as i went.

And i know deep down in my bloody sick mind, i wish the next person who i care about made me pissed off to the utmost degree, extended far beyond boiling point, to wear this, all 11 inches long on a horse, around the world in 80 days.

I saw this in an exhibition in Taiwan. Apparently they use this tool to punish unfaithful wives back in the ancient days.

Just Because I Don't Like Doesn't Make Me a Hater.

2008-09-27T05:12:00.000-07:00

I deleted my teeth clenching post, and the one i mumbled on and on aimlessly because the mumblings couldn't change anything.

I gave my 2 cents regarding certain "Celebrity" bloggers, about how i no longer or never turn myself into just another click, and by that adding 2 cents into their pockets, then some of them paraded their fast bucks in the readers' faces. Coincidentally but not so coincidentally i saw one of their faces staring right back in my miserably few Nuffnang viewers list.

Apparently someone thinks my opinions are important enough to be noticed. Heck, i am no blogger and i am not a threat.

*Snicker*

I don't like some of these bloggers like I never like the girls after any events involving a bunch of pink tarty-hoes squealing for support, thanking their friends like they're fans, could not wait a nanosecond to smash each other's fame-hungry swollen heads while rubbing boobies with 1 or 2 of them, hollering Friendship-forever.

But hey, who says we don't enjoy any of that??

I would still read the most irritating blogs ever, donating 2 cents to their Nuffnang accounts, for the same reason i enjoyed Monkey Shows in Thailand. 2 Cents is dirt cheap for this kind of entertainment. But i wouldn't do anything as lowly as dropping anonymous profanity bombs and offensive comments. That's just mean. (Honestly, hilarious at the same time. I shall deliver my dirty little secret to PostSecret Community.)

As kindly as we wanted to stay away from monkey businesses and watch them from afar, that is still not a "get-out-of-monkey-fest" card. Because once they couldn't find the anonymouses, they dig the ones they can. It's a much easier way to tell the world the consequences of not being a fan.

"What's there not to like about this blogger... HUH!?"

Not that we don't have words sharp enough to squish their narcissistic bladder until they need cement-thick adult diapers to sleep at night, but it's so much fun to watch them yakking about their modesty and uncommercialized vulgarity-free entries but their actions speak otherwise. Not to mention advertorials, advertisements and sponsors filling every possible slot makes their blogs even bigger turn-offs. Opening palms for more pennies isn't exactly the next best move. Readers are very hard to impressed.

If anyone is uncommercialized and did a fantastic job as a blogger, it would be Xniquetx. (Refer to MY blogroll)

Impressive blogroll, free of charge.

And IF i have to pay for the world to know my existence through someone's blog, i would choose a damn cool blogger whose words crack me up badly till i have cramps, and actually put his mind into doing something for that kind of fee.

绝望让人向命运低头

2008-09-26T07:41:00.001-07:00

快了。我快踏入为了权势地位整个你死我活的社会了。不知道我会不会被陷害，功劳会不会被看见，或统统都被抢去，身边最信任的同事会不会就是幕后把我一脚踢的臭王八蛋。对这些无法避免的职场战争，我一点心理准备也没有，加上为了这个政府饭碗，受够了精神折磨。我一点也不期待。

毕业到现在已经5个月，这里玩那里飞已经耗尽积蓄和光阴。先是等Offer Letter 通知书证明被录取，办一堆手续，再等被派到哪个地方去工作，一等又等，等了还是要等，听说3 October 要上班了，要去哪间医院报到都还还不知道。一肚子的不耐烦和委屈。唉~花了十几万念药剂，搞得工作内容不能挑，工作地点不能选，还要被调来调去4年，还以为我们这群小卒仔是万能飞人，十月3号要是被通知要被派去另一间医院，机票住宿交通什么都要赶着在6号之前搞定。(千万不要选我去!!)

脑袋都不知道装些什么的一群神经病。从不把我调到吉隆坡起就是一个错误。是的，我还在为这件事耿耿于怀，我会继续耿耿于怀一整年，死不罢休。为什么不是我 ?? 这群人/这个人又凭什么把我调来调去，嫁不出去谁给我负责??

为什么就不让我走。我一点也不想留下来。留下来让我清清楚楚的感觉到，无论我多么努力挣扎往上爬，还是有人不遗余力地把我这些年建立起来的一切摧毁于一旦。

盼望了十几年，绷紧神经奋斗了4年，还差这么一步，却狠狠地摔下来。让我在井外的草原奔驰，然后把我送回井底。

这就是我无法拒绝的命运? 那为什么给我倔强和不服输的脾气。

让我再填一次。。。

Fingers Crossed

2008-09-24T08:16:00.000-07:00

Suddenly I hope my eyesight is not so perfect.

Post Deleted.

I probably shouldn't because one day i might read my previous entries. Well i can choose what i want to remember when i am old enough and need glasses, so this is what i wanted to remember. And...*stupid mosquito keep biting my toes*

And i regret putting on a show, revealing my low EQ level to my poor classmates who are already aware of my fiesty temper and poor innocent blog-hoppers.*scratch tiny bumps*And i promised i'll be nice, i'll be good, and i broke the promises i made, so i guess it's not that unexpected that i'm sent back to my hometown to work as a punishment or karma finally found me. This is not entirely bullshit ya know, as some of my classmates DID get the hospitals desired. *Where's the damn Sheltox!?!*

I've been thinking, why NOT me? But hey, like my friend u5 said, nothing is fair from the beginning. We don't reap what we sow and if we have the connections, we can show without reaping. The whole reap and sow thing is a lie.*Smack arm*

That's why no matter how much sweat and blood i put into my teenage friendships with some girls, never turned out well. That's why no matter how truthful and loyal i was to my Ex-es, never worked out. That's why no matter how hard i strive for better grades, it's never good enough for them to reward me with a desired working place.

But one day, i believe, things are going to turn around. I see the cup half full. If life really give me lemon, i'll make Frizzy Bubblech!*Don't mess with the Tzyy!*So, my dearests, give me your best wishes: If i'm REALLY sent back to Sabah, at least la..to Kota Kinabalu!!! *Smacked the damn mosquito dead!!*

Stockname
i know u r angry but i do know what regards i suppose to say, Feel regret cant help me.Hope and wish u r happy!!!!!!!!
September 16, 2008 6:58 AM

VH
hmm.. bak kut teh? hmm.. vui hin? hmm.. damai burger king french fries? hmm.. saa3398a?

Roses

Things will get better sooner or later..we miss your rojak mandarin and i miss our Msn session...if you are not coming back today, stay a little longer then to forget a little while of the mo'"Maybe one day i will have no friends, no man and my parents decided to disown this bratty daughter."no friends? you are definitely humiliating me..lol..i'll be here. if far, there is always phone service. if near, there is always a yamcha place..

September 16, 2008 7:08 PM

Ftp

not sleeping messes with ur head...gotta keep up with ur beauty sleep woman!!!tho i dont know u irl...i like reading your posts and listen to all the kick ass songs u keep updating.u shud never have to worry about not havin friends coz if u look hard enuff ud find them jus around u. Besides, u dont strike me as someone who wud have a hard time finding friends. And who knows, mayb we wud get a chance to meet in the future and be friends...providing ur not a serial killer, psycho stalker or wierd lady with ton of cats.
September 18, 2008 2:34 AM

Roses

see...yew fai is a human afterall..he can comfort despite all his normal best chickedee moment..dont delete this post. it will help you in the future to refer back and see how you feel now...dont worry. we are in this together remember. for those who get their desired state (referring to posting), there is no guarantee that they can STAY 4 years and celebrate everyday over champagne and to those who enjoy rubbing salt on the wounds, they can fuck themselves okay...get fixed soon. as i patiently await for the true Tzyy ling to be back..
September 18, 2008 8:56 AM

Thank you.
Even though i have a very bad feeling about this.

Missing For 2 Weeks-1

2008-09-21T01:18:00.001-07:00

I owe it to all the friends who look all over the places for the past 2 weeks for this manic depressive screwball. So i shall explain a bit. The craziest thing i did this year was probably this. Being at home for too long makes the brain overly active and imagined the craziest things. So one night i decided to make another relaxing trip to Taiwan, with a great offer and help. And most of all, understandings.

So yes. Again.

Slammed the cover and off i went.

I traveled slow, i traveled everywhere i did and didn't.

(Did) The GaoHsiung Love River* This time nobody do the silly love pose with me. I thought there's a romantic story behind it, like a city girl who got assigned back to a tiny ass town to work until she died old alone, penniless and bitter, then jumped down the river. Very romantic and all.

Me and little bun-face* walked along the patio, all the way from a night market to another night market, for at least 45 minutes. See, when someone said it's "within walking distance", it doesn't mean it's near, it means EVENTUALLY one day you'll reach.

Tourist: "Is KLCC near Midvalley shopping mall?"

Tzyyling: "Within walking distance."

(Didn't) GaoHsiung Port* Where i took a 90 minutes ferry ride with ferry-full of senior citizens. I think i can gang up with them to do Tai-chi together and build good chi.

(Did) Went to clinic again. I guess my body repelled Taiwan that much. This time, the usual white coat western doctor, but not a physical problem. I got 3 little white pills in a special packet. Let's just say my body reacted to my emotions.

I am a nutcase. I need Dunhill and Vodka.

(Didn't) Gao Hsiung Starry Tunnel* But all I need is to know that there's a light in front, though far, but it's there. Within walking distance.

And i need a big warm meal to tranquil my disturbed soul more than anything in the world. Since food is the best cure, I gained 2 kg in 2 weeks, no kidding. The damn Nintendo Wii showed my biological age on the big screen- 43.

Next time buy PS3. Stupid Nintendo.

(Didn't) The last time at Taipei Shi Lin Night Market, we missed the infamous fried chicken chop. It took at least 15 minutes to get mine, and 2 drinks to stop the swollen tongue from extreme fiery spice.

I used to obsess about Show Luo Zhi Xiang before he got famous. He's cute Ah Beng, appeared on numerous Taiwan games and talk shows before he made it to the red carpet. I have very la-la taste. Compared to my friend's dream men like Tony Leung or Daniel Wu, mine's like Paddle-pop next to Baskin Robbins.

I was Mrs. Lo. But now i divorced him already because he hooked up with Miss Plastic Left-boob ((Zo-Lin) (Cantonese) Jolin )). Do aerobics la, do splitting 100 ft above the ground la, do pole dancing la, be a spy la, damn try-hard. I like some of her non-lala music, but that doesn't give her credit as she doesn't create them.

Anyone can be transformed into Jolin. Just pick one in random KTV, go through plastic surgery, starve her, make her practice dancing like mad. TADA!! I give you Asian Dancing Queen.

So then my x-husband got famous because of his talents, and appeared in this drama series, in which he's a chef making Fried oyster with egg, i tasted the dish he's supposedly very good at.

(Didn't) At the exact stall of the drama series, eating the exact fried egg oyster he "made".

To Show Luo Zhi Xiang: My dear, although we are apart, i wish the best in you. Have a great life and squeeze Jolin's silicons bursting hard. xoxo.

Eat this la Jolin.

It's actually a very famous little eat in Taiwan called 大肠包小肠 (Small sausage in big sausage).

Maybe I'm just jealous cuz no money do plastic surgery.

Skip This

2008-09-16T18:31:00.000-07:00

Maybe because i AM behaving like a kid. I'm a horrible person.

I didn't make it back. I haven't sleep in the past 24 hours. This is not just about the placement anymore. I hope it doesn't get any worse, like sending me to some deserted place in Sabah.

I'm suppose to feel on top of the world right now, enjoying my vacation but i could no longer. Suddenly i miss my bed and speaking rojak mandarin. Suddenly i realized my parents aren't too ridiculous, and i have been behaving like a brat. Yes i have, from the tone of my father's voice when i told him about the delay of my trip. Why do i always don't care about the impact of my actions. Or do i think my feelings are more important than anything in the world. I've been so spolit by people around me that i think they're SUPPOSE to make me happier when they made me happy. I'm a horrible person.

Maybe that's why my past relationships are disasters and when i am able to sustain any, shit happens. Even if there's no such thing as karma, i suppose i shall reflect on my personality. I am a horrible person.

Maybe one day i will have no friends, no man and my parents decided to disown this bratty daughter.

My head is spinning. I shall get some sleep.

I Like.

2008-09-03T04:23:00.000-07:00

I like slacking. I like not thinking. I like spending money on food. I like not spending a dime on cigarettes and alcohol. I like interesting conversations. I like my own time. I like wanting something but unable to own it at once. I like finding my ways to get things I want. I like French fries. I like chocolate fondue at 7atenine. I like driving. I like the way people made fun of the contestants of beauty pageants or whatever modeling competitions. I like chilling out by the beach with a book and ice lemon juice. I like it when people keep their promises. I like surprises, especially when I least expect it. I like it more if my parents don’t offer any advices to me which doesn’t make sense, like “Don’t talk on the phone when you don’t have to.”. I like to give excuses. I like myself when I apologize to someone I hurt after a long time. I like to ignore the green and red underlines in Microsoft Words. I like Mc D’s soft ice cream. I like to speed. I like to not giving a shit about what people think about me and what I do. I like being unmarried and not pregnant now. I like knowing that the cocky stuck-up beauty queens in school back then turning into ordinary aunties. I like the gays and the lesbians but never the transsexuals. I like my nose when it’s not sneezy and itchy. I like Guitar Hero. I like watching 3D animations. I like my soup hot. I like downloading movies and music. I like bargain shopping. I like to annoy friends just to see their reactions. I like scaring the chicks and birds. I like creating private jokes with my sister. I like waking up early and have plenty of time on my hands. I like The Sims. I like the feeling of winning. I like toasted bread with cold butter and Kaya. I like it when people apologize for smoking in front of me. I like pouring rain when I’m sleeping. I like Taiwanese’ mandarin accent. I like the smell of bathroom after showers. I like changing personal messages on MSN every 5 minutes. I like money and what it can provide. I like it best if…

I get posted to wherever I want (for work), work 9am to 5pm exclude Saturdays and Sundays with 2 hours lunch break, sky-high salary with petrol, parking, toll, phone bill and housing allowances, together with a spanking new laptop.

I Am Not Human

2008-08-28T23:25:00.000-07:00

I went for medical check up today.

Lucky for the penises, the container they provided for urine tests is narrow. I can’t believe I touched urine. The weirder part is you’re showing people your fluid while it’s still warm. I don’t know whether I should be ashamed of the colour or not.

Suddenly playing darts looks so much easier.

Well I guess not as embarrassing as certain questions for certain patients, like whether they pass enough wind for the day, or whether feces fluid comes out together with the fart.

Oh my gosh. It kills everything include appetite.

So if I’m cornered with those questions, I shall answer- I sprinkle Evian water and poop rainbow ribbons and bands. There, that sounds a lot nicer.

I once heard from a girl friend that her boyfriend shut the car windows when he farts. That’s just goddamn awful. I think males find bizarre pleasure in the pee, the poo and the fart. Have you heard anyone complaining about girlfriends changing sanitary pads when the innocent other half is brushing his teeth? But all of us heard the walk-in pee, morning poo and the green obnoxious gases from the boyfriends.

Men are disgusting animals. I don’t think I’ll ever allow my other half being human.

Yes we shall threaten them with sanitary pads. Or we can explain what fungus infections are, while they’re having breakfast. Any man would go limp when they heard “custardy foul smelling discharge”.

Urgh. Men.

I Hate Having Genes

2008-08-28T07:44:00.000-07:00

Offer letter arrived, now I have to wait for Posting Letter to fly in and smack me out of self fermentation. I’ve waited 4 months for this letter, and still counting. Minus 1 month+ of total freedom in K.L, 2 weeks in Taiwan, I spent the rest of my time try not to let my mom get on my nerves. I don’t know about other mothers, but mine is the kind that drives you nuts, at the verge of pull off your hair at one go, cut your tongue off, dip it in acid, bang your head against the wall, dig your own eyeballs out and let horses rip off all your limbs.

If they’re going to make me wait another month, please kindly send me to psychiatry centre. I think my mom will not be satisfied if I’m not lunatic. Tomorrow I shall stick my tongue out the whole day just to scare her a bit.

I have 2 friends who are both 100% good daughters, but both of them secretly wish they wouldn’t be assigned back home because of overprotective and controlling mothers. There’s nothing to be ashamed off. I would rather be away and miss home, than stay together and quarrel everyday.

But no matter how much we refuse to be like our mothers, we still ended up with a part of her. It scares me a little when I notice mom becoming my grandmother day by day, she’s 40% of my grandma now. I can deal with having 20% of my mom, but not, never, my grandma. Not that I don’t love her, she saved my ass when my mom beat me up for talking on the phone for a bit long (See?) when I was 17. And she always gives me money. But when she’s scary, she goes all the damn way. Never to me though.

So I made my sister promise to slap me if I’m 21% of my mom.

See what you have BECOME!!!!!

Especially when I start obsessing about “preparing”. If the invitation says 7pm, she’ll be there at 6pm, don’t know prepare what. She got so used to that, she starts telling me to “prepare” to have dinner after we set up the table.

Like, how?

See dinner? Cannot Eat first. We must PREPARE. (My facial expression is exactly like that kid la.)

为什么我们都爱煎咖啡豆

2008-08-21T06:43:00.000-07:00

有些人不知道是单纯还是笨，可怜的马来亚人要解释多少次你们才明白?

“为什么你们国家没新加坡那么systematic? 明明就是邻国啊~”

住你隔壁的邻居和你穿同样的内裤吗?

罐头一样大的国家怎么能拿来和13的大箱子比较(马来西亚有十三的州，随便一个都是新加坡的几倍)? 管理一罐头的黄豆当然比管理13箱子的黄豆，咖啡豆，黑豆还有一堆不知名豆容易! 撇开大小不谈，黄豆讨厌咖啡豆；咖啡豆老是觉得黄豆欺人太甚；黑豆有时候疯起来什么豆都砍。现在黄豆都移民；咖啡豆自己人打自己人，然后想办法干掉黄豆；黑豆一天到晚在抗议，不知道抗什么，又没人理。

黄豆喜欢乱骂其他的豆不是没有原因的。死咖啡豆9am点上班1030am才到，12pm点吃午饭然后祈祷2个小时，3点一到就喝下午茶，5点准时打卡，拍拍屁股回家。做Passport, IC, Work Pass, License, Post Office和其他administration work的那堆咖啡豆最讨厌，10个柜台只开2个，其他不是上厕所，吃饭喝茶就是生孩子，剩下两个还一个挖鼻屎，一个猛Sms, 催她一下还要给你看咖啡脸色。要是在香港台湾这些地方，这些豆早就被拖去Starbucks 煎了。

咖啡豆生殖能力很惊人，生一堆的咖啡豆还可以领奖金，会生又不会管，通山乱跑去欺负黄豆，到了上大学还要剥夺黄豆的机会，失业可以借政府的钱做老板，生意失败钱不用还，政府发现债务繁重就发一大堆警告信给借钱做生意的黄豆。

你说说看，要怎样systematic?? 我们敬爱的前首相马哈迪医生曾经在全国人们前骂咖啡豆骂到哭，骂他们不争气，谋福利，骂到下台还在骂。

现在谁还敢再拿那罐黄豆来和那13箱的乱七八糟比较??

Fired Brinjal

2008-08-19T08:08:00.000-07:00

I didn’t feel a thing until I see my Graduation gown. All of us look like this.

Congratulations, brinjals.

We were all steamed brinjals on 14th August in USM, Penang. My shirt was bloody soaked and stained purple thanks to the brinjal skin. But I forgot to swear about it once I noted the pride on my dad’s and mom’s faces when I previewed my pictures on the camera.

She's happy. He's proud. I'm sweating.

If I say :” Can you help me to do my homework, make sure it’s an A, pass it up, return my books to the library, pay my bills and buy me a set dinner from the sushi bar as you come back from school?”

T would say :” Can~~Don’t worry.” And totally not doing it.

SK :” Can you see that TALL TALL building? Go up there and jump down.”

Jon and YF :”Har~~Really?~~(T.T)wu wu wu”

WC :”Oh, okay (^.^)”

Gosh I miss them.

He would totally do all of the above in 3 minutes, except I’ll fail my subject and have food poisoning.

She would pester SK for my homework, mail it, pay some random nerd to return my books, online banking, order delivery service and come home with a heavy receipt.

I was totally stiff on stage.

We did the cap tossing.

Graduate Bears in bouquets do not look horrid, after all. Everyone is busy looking for everyone to snap 1 or 2 pictures with, which makes it even harder for those who are searching for the special people to snap with. I couldn’t find Rose my camera soulmate, but I found her in this picture. Well you know what people say, the more you look for it, the more you couldn’t find it. Next time I shall just stand STILL and wait for money to come.

He sure damn rich lo.

So near yet so far

I like AH in this picture as he looked totally gila syok about the entire event. And honestly, he’s a great kid. I felt bad and sorry for losing temper on him during out last clerkship. The great thing is, he totally forgot about the whole thing.

God knew I wouldn’t be satisfied if I couldn’t snap with her, I found her the next day.

Such a tiring experience.

And then the scary part comes in. All of us are waiting for the Posting Letter to arrive to our doorstep, there lies the name of the place we are assigned to work for the first year. Me and SK haven’t even receive the Offer Letter which usually comes before the Posting Letter.

What went wrong?

SK said it’s karma since my Karma Book in the heaven is thicker than Oxford Dictionary already. That doesn’t explain why certain lousy-asses got their letters last week. And then she promised she’ll stop gossiping if she gets her letter tomorrow. Well that’s just too cruel. I’ll only stop gossiping if I get the place I wanted.

Can karma come later? Not prepared wor.

Ok I take my words back, gimme the damn offer letter.

Do you think it has anything to do with the construction right in front of house?

Sand- Dust- Postman’s eyes are infected- Cannot see addresses properly- Letter fly out as he took his wallet out to pay for an eye drop- Letter in Pharmacy Shop floor- Maid sweep- GONE.

Or is it the fact that I blog? According to certain sources, the government undercover spies like your bitchy shoe-licking colleagues actually check what the government servants write so they can lock you up before you complain too much about work, jeopardizing the superior image the government.

But i...haven't even work...

Whenever I beg for something on my blog, things just magically went well after that. I guess multiple prayers works better than 1.

Please Eh. Please.

Shrug

2008-08-11T04:08:00.000-07:00

See, this is what all of us have to wear to our convocation. Everyone went gaga over this once in a lifetime celebration but I was like, whatever. Bears in flowers make me angry. Bears belong in the zoo, not holding “loves” acting all sissy in a bunch of roses. I don’t want to look at my pictures many many years later and wondering why the f is the bears IN my flowers. And please ah, don’t get overly excited on me.

“Aiya, why?? Convo is like, a big deal! It’s not like we can wear square caps ANYTIME!!”

"The best part i like about convo is when all of us throw the caps."

So anyway, all of us are going to look like this during the ceremony.

Balut Semua.

It’s not like I want to flash cleavage or some of my thighs in the ceremony, I just don’t like to narrow my options down to this level. Skirts below the knees also make me angry. Look, I’m at least a 5 feet 5, so ANY skirts except the long ones will NEVER cover my knee. They’re either just right there, slightly above or way above.

We even have to pick the right colours.

These 2 cannot enter. Well, actually all also cannot, cuz all naked.

Like this cannot meh.

080808 808pm

2008-08-08T09:16:00.000-07:00

*Thank Sikoon for the photos*

I ran out of words.

I feel like crying like a emo sissy.

傻瓜

2008-08-06T05:06:00.000-07:00

有些人无可救要的笨，认了第二恐怕没人敢认第一。不知道事实要摆到多近，重复提醒多少次，才会懂事实就是如此。已经没有借口再去解释所有的疑惑，或者应该说，已经不能再自我安慰下去了，才愿意鼓起勇气面对现实。温岚唱得好啊，傻瓜都一样，相信这个人不一样，还是再一次受伤，可是却不投降，相信付出会有代价，原来只是一句傻瓜。有些人曾经以为自己可以，原来不可以忍耐的是心和心之间的距离。去另一个心的机票，恐怕永远买不起，硬要拉近的距离，不代表一定能到达终点，靠近了只会烧伤自己。所有，一切，都应该趁什么都没变得遍体鳞伤时回到原点。自己自动走回去，好过被人一脚踹滚回去。

加油。

Zoom up close to see, if necessary.

S-hoes Run Free, Beware

2008-08-04T04:32:00.000-07:00

My friend, L, has changed over the years.

We were queuing up for tickets and he saw someone familiar in another queue, so he went over to say hello as I walked out. Then I heard a loud voice coming from a physically underdeveloped asshole, saying something very rude because we exit through the entrance. Like it’s a BIG ELEPHANT DEAL. A young boy who has no idea that he’ll soon have his balls minced and jam into his own filthy mouth. I swear he could feel my eyes stare right through his miserably limited sized brain like X-Ray. I bet he’s sweating inside.

When I almost open my mouth and say something sarcastic, mean and mentally destructive right back, L stopped me and told me to forget it.

If L was the L I knew back in high school, he would grip the kid’s balls and crunch them into cornflakes. If I was me back in high school, I would stop him and pull him away.

I still feel very imbalance now because I cannot tolerate people, especially a guy talk like that, yet I cannot fight back. If I see that kurang ajar no manners budak again, I’ll make any male beside me hentam his burung repeatedly until it swells up like an onion, bleeds like vagina during period, and cry like a sissy little girl. Or I snap him like a twig myself.

See if he dares to lansi again or not. See if he dares to mess with mentally unstable PMS woman or not.

I Want To Brighten Up Your Day

2008-07-30T10:21:00.000-07:00

If you feel life's bitcher than Nicole Richie

You want to leave but you're not ready

Your face is saggy, your boobs are not where they should be

If you got so fed up you want to smash the damn PC

Or scratch your boss’s face, drown your colleague’s lansey face in monkey pee

Run on the streets, scream like you’re crazy and randomly slap somebody

If all you want is people to leave you alone and let you be

Raise your middle finger on their faces on the count to three

Treat yourself French Fries, Carbonara Fettuccini, F*@k fat-free

Wear your pair of Vincci like it’s Gucci

Buy cheap fare, fly to Fiji

If all attempts failed miserably

Go home and cry to mommy

Or click on the song below, sit back, relax, for a dose of smiley is your remedy

Click 'em, baby.

I'm Yours
Im Yours - Jason Mraz

Love Me Back, Please

2008-07-28T10:49:00.000-07:00

I have no luck in keeping best friends around me for a long time, as in geographically. They’re everywhere ever since we have separate interests in our future. New Zealand, UK, Russia, Australia, just not Malaysia. Even when I found my University best friends, I have to come back to the east side now and the rest are on the west side.

I envy guys a lot. Guys always gang up to drink, gamble, fight, club, do stupid things and regret later. Then the next day they wake up and do stupid things all over again. But girls, hardly, if ever, gang up, unless to bitch about someone in particular. And then take turn to bitch about each other.

I really cherish my friends at heart as distance made everything difficult. This makes it extra hard for me when my friends have lives of their own. I almost forgot they can’t stay forever.

Can’t believe this other someone has becoming part of our conversations.

Can’t believe whether we can go out, has become someone else’s decisions.

Can’t believe we became busy, and allowed our friendships fade without taking actions.

Can’t believe that slowly and inevitably, I became an option.

Yet there are those who are willing to save you from shit

those who still loves you even when you showed the world your tits.

those who still put up with your shameless little habits.

those who spoils you like a princess, but calls you meat.

I love them all regardless, to bits.

I Want To Believe The Dark Knight is at the Red Cliff

2008-07-28T05:24:00.000-07:00

You have to watch all 3 to understand the captions. And to understand, you watch 2 best movies of the year. I’m a fan of X File, so I must watch it regardless of the review. Same goes to Sex and the City.

The only thing I do not hate about Sundays when I was a kid is the period between 6-7pm. I gulped my dinner down at highest possible human speed, sat in front of the TV with my sister, pressed TV2 and pillows against our little ears to a melody.

The spine-chilling, spooky melody at the beginning of the movie that made me realized how much I miss the X-file days even though I don’t understand most of the lines.

The X file movie is a lot simpler compared to the series without the alien abduction and government ploys. The series is a lot darker and creepier than the movie so all the chickenshits can watch. Agent Mulder is no longer searching for abducted sister thank goodness. Agent Scully has becoming a bit emotional than she used to be. Aging process probably.

I love Tony Leong and Takeshi. I love ancient war movies. I love to watch men doing what men should, shed blood but not tears, die on the same day same month same year, ride their horses and chop enemies in half. Damn Hot Blood. Do not like the main actress Lin Zhi Ling aka Slutty McWhore.

Who wants to watch Batty fighting Jokey with me??

My extra thoughts:

Mr.Leong also camwhores lo!!~

Yes, please.

And...
smudged eyeliners made big hits on the screen.

Now we know what we should expect...

The Title of This Video

2008-07-23T01:36:00.000-07:00

The Importance of Condoms

Warnings to Whorebag bedhoppers.

How bout…

Never?

Guys gave up their brains in exchange for less than an hour pleasure. Why risks having their babies in exchange of an orgasm, possibly none? How bout faked an orgasm in exchange of STD/ AIDS/ his product staring right at you for the rest of your life?

Not everyone is Juno. None of us can’t afford to play this game.

Voluntary Amnesia

2008-07-20T05:57:00.000-07:00

Nothing hurts more than someone u care for or had cared for you pretend you never enter their lives. I did it once, pretend I never know this person, or even heard of him before because some people are better off not to be remembered until the day you close your eyes.

I do not want to have anything to do with him, not going to the same places, not even have the same friend. Of course, all my friends have great taste in picking acquaintances.

Don’t get me wrong, this is not hatred. This is pure disgust and resentment. I witness the evil in this person with my own eyes and ears. Since I do not have the strength to fight the venomous demon, I shall stay away until kingdom comes and does justice.

The best way to have nothing to do with a person without ugly fights while put an end to all spiteful lies, forget about them, literally. Don’t even bother explaining yourself because people with principles and attitudes are very often misunderstood.

Why bother?

Just say you never know this person.

Sorry. Brain no space for scumbags.

Well I plan to pretend I never know one person and he’s a male. His name is…

Wait…

Who?

Oh, sorry, dunno who that is.

I Did It Again

2008-07-19T08:51:00.000-07:00

Life’s not treating me 100% right nowadays, I thought I could fight my way out but I was defeated by temptations. Never would I thought I’d join the others to pick up a habit I used to resent. Never would I thought I’d do something bad to my body to make me feel better.
This is my first pack. I entered a store in Taiwan and walked out like I did it a hundred times before.

Tonight I ripped it open.

Hold it like I did a hundred times before.

Chocolate is really bad for health.

Sarcastically Kota Kinabalu

2008-07-17T10:59:00.000-07:00

“Do you people live on a mountain?”

Photo from the internet*

My sister gets it, I got it and so did other Sabahans or Kota Kinabalu-ians who think that matters. So I’m doing the people who lives here, or those who travels and have lives, a mirror facing the real frogs in the well.

Especially the real frogs in the well thinking the well they’re in, is much cooler than other wells.

So I shall make them happy frogs.

My tree house is around here. P&C just in case you want to burn it down.

The paths along the woods to school and work are usually 1 way, so the opposite traveler would have to stop for the other to pass before they move. So we had to get up very early in the mornings to prepare our horses.

After a very long day of chopping woods and harvesting oats, we the native people dine under big trees beside rivers, celebrating our pure satisfaction of hard work by blowing flutes and dances in circles.

Photo from the internet*

Little Italy

Photo from the internet*
Revolving Restaurant- Atmosphere

Photo from the internet*

Blue Note- Beach Hotel

We "oong ga ga oong ga ga" in circles, hollering ancient mystical enchantment, praying for rain showering our crops.

Sometimes our ketua kampong and the young ferocious warriors of our mountain will perform ritual hunting drama to inspire the young boys. So all of us will gather in circles, chewing sugar cane sticks while watching the show.

Oh despite all the activities, we sleep at 8pm every night.

Photo from the internet*

Well since KK is microscopically small, so there’s not much we can do during the weekends. The markets we go to are too small to fit in our tribes.

The stalls in our markets are limited so we have never heard of the famous brands that many people in the west Malaysia think we have never hear before. Therefore it is very thoughtful of them to ask us “do you people know Padini? Like, Nike or something?”.

You can tell how intelligent a person is by the questions they ask, our ketua kampong always say.

1 Borneo

Photo from the internet*

Warisan Square

City Mall

So after we’re done purchasing our daily essentials in the markets, we the native people do what we do best- sing in our brother’s and sister’s caves. Even if there’s only 2 people, we always have big caves to sing in.

KK Box

What we, the native Kota Kinabalu people enjoy most, is the view along the way home everyday after working, and where we could have small walks after dinner along countless patios in the city along the beaches.

Photo from the internet*

Questions, anyone?

A Dream in the Summer

2008-07-15T10:39:00.000-07:00

I thought it was a dream. It feels so real that I remember the smell of the air I breathed in it, when I hold a face, stroked the hair and looked right through a pair of eyes. My sweaty palm, my sticky neck, my unconditioned tangled hair, my laughter and someone hold me as I hopped down the stairs. And then everything fades away.

Is it real?

“You’re a big girl now, and big girls don’t cry, even if life failed you sometimes.” I heard myself speaking to 14 pictures on the screen. At that exact moment I knew I’ve surrendered to fate.

It was a very good dream.

Why does it hurt so bad if it’s not real.

It was a very good dream.

“It would come true, wouldn’t it, fairygodmother?” I was a little girl again tonight. Pleading.

z0 Rants

A Shove to Reincarnation

FML

够了

开心，你什么时候回来

爱Man无罪

Congratulations, I Hate You

掩饰

爱情坏了

Itchy Itchy Long Time

Know Who's Boss

Price to Pay for Breaking a Heart

My Engines Are Ready

Serendipity

No Means No

Wtf??

Prank Calls

This Is Why My Pay Is Peanuts

Paycheck Underestimated

Tanah Airku

I Don't Need a Reason -2

一堆罗嗦

I Don't Need A Reason

What!?

同事-1

I can still complain in CNY

Chicken Talks to Duck

Full On Stalking = Facebooking

Disgusted

失眠

Pretty Dumb Dumb Pretty Girls

2009 Minus Dramas

Last Day of Fucked Up Year

Meli Friggin Krismes

THIS, is Creativity.

I Am Big Girl Now (For 3 minutes)

Happy New Year

I'm The Worst Damn Thing

The Day The World Turned Upside Down

Nuf Said

Lon3lyG@lCut3yp!eMuahmUahChucHu@.@

A Good Song

Never Know Until You Try

2 Weddings and My Funeral

为什么

Older and None The Richer

Wake Me Up When November Ends

四年

To Prove You Nothing But Wrong and Stubborn

The Bau of Malang Once Came, Will Not Stop

Malang Tidak Bau-bau

Boyfriends SUCK

Gong Xi Fa Cai

Missing For 2 Weeks-2

WTF??

I Got The Eyeballs

First is Tough

Potong Steam

I Should See a Shrink

Just Because I Don't Like Doesn't Make Me a Hater.

绝望让人向命运低头

Fingers Crossed

Missing For 2 Weeks-1

Skip This

I Like.

I Am Not Human

I Hate Having Genes

为什么我们都爱煎咖啡豆

Fired Brinjal

*Shrug*

080808 808pm

傻瓜

S-hoes Run Free, Beware

I Want To Brighten Up Your Day

Love Me Back, Please

I Want To Believe The Dark Knight is at the Red Cliff

The Title of This Video

Voluntary Amnesia

I Did It Again

Sarcastically Kota Kinabalu

Shrug